Hey, I apologize for the private and intimate matter of today’s email… but it might just save your life.
But before we get into today’s great content, I must WARN you…
If you are easily offended or simply don’t enjoy hearing a good, yet juvenile joke about bodily functions, then you can skip to the end of the email for the big lesson. I promise you it’s still worth it. But if you like a little college humor, as I do, then you’ll enjoy the lighter side of today’s message.
Today you’re getting an invasive look at my colonoscopy (poohn intended).
Hey, I said you could skip ahead.
Yes, you’re getting a veritable colon-blow-by-blow account of the procedure. And I’m telling you all about it because it could SAVE your life.
Thanks to modern medicine, a colonoscopy isn’t that bad at all. As the nurse said during my check-in, I’d already gone through the hard part – the 48 hour jello-juice-and-Purg-Odan diet.
I’ve been studying the human body for over two decades, and even I was amazed by what Purg-Odan, a powerful laxative, can do. It’s like putting a bulldozer in your digestive system.
The colonoscopy itself was quick and painless. Heck, I wished the surgery lasted longer because the anasthetic was so good! There was only one point in the entire process when I thought I might die. I’ll reveal all the dirty details below, but first I must explain why on earth would I tell you about my colonoscopy?
I want you to Take Action. I want you to get the health tests done that you need in your life. You’re probably procrastinating on something… it could be as simple as going to the dentist, or as serious as delaying your physical for another year. Don’t be that person. This isn’t about YOU anymore. It’s about your family.
My old man passed away at the far-too-young age of 69 because of colon cancer. His biggest health mistake in life was being an alcoholic. He drank about 12 beers a day for 20 years. But it didn’t help that he didn’t go to the doctor for 25 years. He didn’t have any screening done.
Sure, he went to the emergency room that time he cut his face open with a chainsaw, and that other time that he tried to fight 4 cops at once, but he never went to the family doctor for a simple check-up or any health test. My ol’ man, God bless him, was a roughneck country boy and he paid the ultimate price for it.
Compare that to the father of one of my high-school friends. Her father had regular colonoscopies, and they caught his colon cancer early. That was in 2005. He’s still alive today.
My father passed away in 2008, just 18 months after his was first detected. In those final 18 months he and I spent a lot of time together, driving up and down the country side roads looking at corn fields, visiting used farm equipment dealerships, and even going to cattle auctions.
But I was robbed of years of ‘chilling on a dirt road’ with him because my father stubbornly avoided going to the doctor for health screening. Of course, I can’t blame him, because he knew the lecture he would have received about his drinking. Still, he shirked his responsibility and we suffered for it.
That brings us back to you. If you skip tests, avoid having a physical, eat junk, skip exercise, and live a stressful life, ultimately you are robbing your children – down the road – of time spent with you. That’s selfish.
So Step-Up. Schedule your tests. Get them done. Think of your family. Think of the little people in your life.
Besides, it’s not that bad. In fact, the entire event was kind of FUN. I even managed to sell a couple of copies of my workout programs to two people in the waiting room while I was lying in my hospital bed.
There was only that one point of discomfort. It happened right after the surgery, when I woke up to a painfully distended belly caused by the air pumped into my digestive tract to help the doctor see around all the nooks and crannies. I felt like the fat villain from Austin Powers. In fact, I was so uncomfortable that it was nauseating.
Fortunately, three nurses crowded around me, encouraging me to “let it rip.”
Ha, when was the last you had three lovely ladies waiting on you, rubbing your belly, and hoping that you’d pass gas?
I felt like Bally the Dog!
And soon the bloating subsided, and I was able to go home.
Thirty minutes later I was walking out of the hospital to get a ride home while eating my first solid food in over 55 hours. A protein bar had never tasted so good. Within ninety minutes post-surgery I was working like it was just another Monday.
Now the countdown is on. Only seven more years till my next package of Jello and another chance to pass gas in public without consequences.
But back to you. Listen, you don’t have to tell anyone that you’re getting a colonoscopy, not that there’s anything wrong with that, as Seinfeld would say. It doesn’t hurt. You won’t even know it happened.
I’m only telling the world because I live my life by Extreme Example. By detailing my surgery, I hope to get you to act.
If I can get just 1% of you to take action, to finally pick up the phone and schedule your appointment, to make a change in your healthy habits, then my work here is done. Of course, I’d like it to be every reader – so do me a favor. Do something!
Please, think of your family. Don’t let your selfishness and stubbornness stand in the way. Take action now. Call the doctor. Schedule the exam. Clean out your colon. Let a stranger look up your bum. Deal with the results. And make the changes you need to make.
Do it for the little people in your life. Whether you’re a new parent or a grandparent, someone in your family that wants you around for a long, long time. And so do I.
Taking care of your health,
Craig Ballantyne, CTT
Certified Turbulence Trainer
PS – A little more life advice about the little things in life…
Breathe, relax, and meditate or pray for 5-15 minutes today. Sit calmly. Listen to running water or ocean waves if you can. And then make time for the little things and little ones in your life today. Run your fingers through your children’s hair, watch them play, join in, hear them laugh, and truly appreciate them and make memories from them. (Doggies will work great for this, too!)
PPS – “Laugh more.
The average number of times a child laughs per day is 300. The average number of times an adult laughs per day is 5.” – James Altucher