You, the Movie
Archives: Daily Issues
Issue #2339
- WEALTHY: Is an "Old Maid" in your future? (Andrew Gordon)
- HEALTHY: Get more antioxidants by cooking this way (Kelley Herring)
- WISE: Robert McAfee Brown on storytelling
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE:
- Your life story in 3 sentences (John Carlton)
- Was I out of line? (Michael Masterson)
- It’s Good to Know… about disappearing languages
- Add the expression "small beer" to your vocabulary
Bring Paradise Into Your Living Room (And Profits Too!)
It’s too bad you couldn’t make it to our Profits in Paradise conference, but the good news is that we’ve gotten it all down on professionally-recorded DVDs. When you bring these recordings into your home, you’ll be in the company of a very special group of experts.
First, they are all at the very top of their respective fields… whether it’s real estate, internet business-building, or under-the-radar financial and investing techniques. And second, they’ve all made a lot of money using the exact strategies they are going to teach you in their presentations.
Their “secrets” are actually proven methods based on years of trial and error and testing in the real world.
Here’s just a taste of what you’ll be receiving on these DVDs…
- Howie Jacobson will reveal the secrets behind Google Ad Words – the fastest and easiest way to make money online…
- You’ll learn how to use Marko Rubel’s little-known investment approach to generate over $1 million a year …
- Buck Rizvi and Brock Felt will show you how to tap into a multi-billion dollar market to create a business you can sell for millions … or pass on to your children…
- And much MUCH more.
When you learn these secrets you’ll be well positioned to take your financial future into your own hands.
Are you ready to see your wealth-building potential soar?
Good! Because we have an enviable offer for you today…
The Attack of the "Old Maids"
Do you remember the card game "Old Maid?" I remember playing it with both my kids many years ago. They loved it. They hated being stuck with that odd queen at the end of the game. Now they’re young adults and have moved on. But I’m still playing the game.
I have no choice. Dozens, if not hundreds, of companies are pretending they’re not holding the Old Maid. In other words, they’re hiding the full extent of their bad debt, assets, and hedges.
The practice is worse than ever – thanks to the spread of the subprime contagion. It’s shown up in surprising places like municipal bonds and Chinese banks. Right now, companies harboring Old Maids are a dime a dozen. I fear that soon they’ll be worth a nickel.
If you don’t want to get stuck with a loser, how do you invest?
- It’s more important than ever to do your homework. That means going beyond relying on a company’s statements. Just a couple of days before Bear Stearns was rescued by JPMorgan, they swore their finances were fine. Meanwhile, plenty of people who follow Bear Stearns thought otherwise… and were making their suspicions known in blogs and the financial press. Not every rumor is true, but neither should you summarily dismiss them. Keep an open mind.
- Stick with high-quality investments in sectors you trust. There’s too much we still don’t know about banks and their exposure to bad debt – so stay away. Big companies with solid track records, substantial overseas business, and low debt may not make you a bundle. But, these days, it pays to play it extra safe.
[Ed. Note: ETR's Investment Director, Andrew Gordon, is the editor of INCOME, a monthly financial advisory service that uncovers income-generating stocks that promise safety (first and foremost), along with much-higher-than-average profit potential.]
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"Storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world today."
Robert McAfee Brown
You, the Movie
By John Carlton
Have you ever wondered where the knack for finding stories and hooks — the main ingredients of any great copywriter’s bag of tricks — comes from?
Here is my insight (after a couple of decades on the advertising front lines): It comes from observing life as an ongoing movie. With characters, story angles, plot twists, and endings that arrive like punch lines.
This is how the legendary copywriters I’ve known go through their day… seeing nearly everything in terms of a movie script. It’s an unconscious habit, and wickedly effective at keeping your writing chops chugging on all cylinders.
Even the most mundane errand can be retold as a raucous tale full of shocking revelation when you put this talent to work. Nothing interesting or weird or funny gets by a top scribe.
So, when faced with clients needing killer ads… it’s easy to find, and flesh out, the stories hidden in products, campaigns, and markets. Because it’s all a movie.
Think about your own life.
No, seriously. Think about it.
Most people have trouble "seeing" themselves in the world at all. Without a mirror, they’re not even sure they exist. Their daily experiences are like watching a "monkey cam" – the filmed result of attaching a camera to the back of a chimp and letting him wander off.
It’s not a smooth, thought-out, coherent narrative. Instead, it’s jerky, chaotic, and (unless there are "happy accidents") mostly boring.
There. I’ve said it.
Most people lead boring lives.
For any savvy copywriter, that’s a tremendous advantage. All you have to do… is be the one thing your bored-to-death prospect reads today that gets his blood moving. And you’re well on your way to closing the sale.
Again, think about your life.
Consider how it has progressed in actual chapters, or acts… just like a long-running serial flick.
Maybe your story is as straightforward as childhood, adulthood, starting a biz, getting married.
Or maybe it’s more nuanced, in peculiar ways that make sense to you… but may sound exotic to outsiders. I know one guy, for example, who catalogs his past using whichever car was in his life at the time: The ancient ‘55 Buick Special (junior year in high school), the only slightly abused ‘67 Mustang (freshman year of college), the brand-spanking-new Toyota (first full-time job), the Pontiac mini-van (first kid), etc.
This guy will fry your ear with great stories, too. All starring him and his wheels.
The more precise and anchored you can be, the better your stories will become.
And the better your OWN parcel of stories is, the easier you can spot – and use – stories from the world around you when you’re writing to influence and persuade.
I was lucky to grow up in a family of storytellers. And since I was the youngest by eight years, I learned quickly to be pithy and interesting… or risk losing the attention of my audience. (Few adults have much patience for meandering stories with no point, even from their own kids.)
The trick is to focus on short, crisp, rollicking tales that get to the payoff quickly. With a beginning, a middle, and an end. Or, like a good joke, with a premise, a set-up, and a punch line.
In fact, I suggest you start crafting your tales – both the personal and professional – in three brisk sentences.
They can be serious or funny or rueful or just hmmm -inducing snippets of action.
But they must be complete stories.
So start editing, with an audience in mind. For example: "Suzy and I, at 17, started out convinced no one had ever felt a love so wild and crazy before. However, that dizzy high of shared hormonal bliss… was cruelly followed by heartache and misery when her attention shifted away from me. And I ended up as a sad, sad boy, convinced no one had ever felt such pain before."
Set-up, plot synopsis, and tidy ending with a hook (the "completed circle" of the phrase convinced no one had ever felt...). You can go into more specifics (should your audience crave it), but you’ve laid out the story very efficiently here.
If the point you were trying to make… say, in a sales piece… was that you’ve been around the block emotionally, you scored. Any further detail would muddy up the yarn.
Here’s another one: "I interviewed for my first real job right out of college. Cinched up my tie, answered every jackass question seriously, shook hands like a candidate. Got the gig, hated every second of my life for six months, never quite caught my breath, got fired, and happily collected unemployment checks for the next three months."
Or, here’s a tidbit from my own biography: "We were vandals as kids, mostly ineffective and innocent, but occasionally stunning models of anarchy. Asked an engineer, once, how many railroad ties his cow-catcher could handle… and the next day, put all those plus one on the tracks. Derailed the train… and our genuine horror of success was deepened by the realization we’d better watch our butts if we were gonna engage with the adult world like that."
Three sentences. Yeah, long ones. But three coherent, grammatically correct sentences. A complete story, with entry point, action, and a quasi-moral ending.
Consider how looooooooooooong I could have dragged out that tale, and been absolutely justified in doing so. Because, hey, events took place over a couple of days, and there are details of our gang and the neighborhood and the derailment that are fascinating.
Just freaking fascinating.
But longer stories should be told only if you’re invited to tell them. As in, writing your thousand-page biography and selling it. Anyone buys, it’s a tacit agreement to put up with every long-winded saga you’ve got up your sleeve.
Okay… now it’s your turn.
Leave a three-sentence story from your life in the new "comments" section on ETR’s website here.
Don’t be shy. We’re all trying new stuff this year. (Or should be, because the business landscape is changing so dramatically and rapidly. The best marketers I know are trashing old limitations, stretching new boundaries, waking up and engaging the world on fresh terms.)
I promise to read every submission. I’ll even toss a few comments into the pile myself, when warranted.
And I can guarantee you this innocent little exercise will sharpen your chops as a storyteller. Some of you are already damn good, I’m sure… while others can use a lot of work. But we ALL need to remember how critical stories are for communication. (As in, communicating your sales message in a way that grabs attention, persuades, and closes.)
C’mon. Three lines. That forces you to be concise, to consider every single word carefully, and to crunch often-rambling experiences into tidy little narratives with a point.
Just like a top writer does it.
I’m not looking for funny. Not looking for tears. Not looking for anything profound.
Just a story.
For some writers, this will be a true test, because you aren’t used to pushing yourself. However, the best already do.
Good luck.
[Ed. Note: John Carlton is an expert copywriter, a pioneer in online marketing, and a teacher of killer sales copy. Get the details here on how to get your hands on the kick-ass secrets of the world's smartest, happiest, and wealthiest marketers. And be sure to read his insights, tactics, and advice on copywriting and marketing at his blog.]
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Imagine Knowing of a Casino Where the Dealer Tipped His Hand Before You Made Your Move and Didn’t Care How Many Times You Beat Him.
When would you stop going there?
This is nothing to do with games of chance, but I hope your answer to that question would be a resounding, "NEVER!!" Assuming you’re sane that is… Well, that is a virtually PERFECT analogy of the power of the insider signal!
It’s often said, "The Stock Market is just a big casino." And it’s true. But the important omission in that statement (to keep the masses out!) is the dealer in this casino tips his hand to the select few… the insiders.
Such powerful knowledge could make YOU very rich indeed… Click to learn more…
Reader Appalled by My Self-Absorption
In a recent article, I revealed the early-morning routine I’ve used to accomplish my goals. Sonja Mahs from Brisbane, Queensland, Australia wrote in, wondering where family responsibility fits into the mix:
"Read your article about what you do during the day. Sounds great, if a little self-absorbed. Where does family responsibility come in? And who cooks dinner for you? I wish you would make it more transparent that you don’t have children in your care or that, if you do, you don’t have them on your priority list. It’s irritating to keep reading about how much you achieve and, by extension, how much we can all achieve if we did what you did… while ignoring your own privilege of gender and access to resources. I think it also diminishes your message somewhat."
Sonja is right. I should have pointed out that K and I are empty-nesters now. Longtime readers of ETR and my blog know this. I talk about it all the time. But a new reader could not have known.
That said, it is entirely possible to get up earlier and spend time on yourself – on your own goals – even if you do have children and a spouse. (I assume Sonja is a working mom.)
Assuming you get up at 6:00 now, is it impossible to get up at 5:30? The simple way to do that without jeopardizing your health is to get to bed a half-hour earlier.
This ties into a question I received from Tanya Leehans in Tennessee:
"I am wondering what time you get to sleep each night in order to be up and going no later than 6:30 a.m. After dinner, baths, clean-up, and putting three kids to bed, I want to spend some alone time with my husband. That means midnight sleep at the earliest. Getting up at 6:30 a.m. would mean an awfully small amount of sleep each night. What are your thoughts on that? How do you get enough sleep and make it all work?"
My thought is that if your kids are young enough to need help in the morning, they should be in bed no later than 9:00. That was bedtime for kids in the Masterson house. And it left K and me with 90 minutes to ourselves before going to sleep at 10:30. Seven hours of sleep is what experts say is optimal for adults. So getting up at 5:30 wasn’t a problem. I kept that schedule for many years when my kids were still at home and I liked it. You could like it too.
Listen – getting up early and devoting time to yourself is about you, not me. I can understand why Sonja’s initial reaction to my message was "that self-absorbed, insensitive son of a bitch." But she should think about it some more. What’s really going on? Why is she allowing herself to accept less of her life than she can have? Wouldn’t it benefit her to get that extra time to achieve her dreams?
If she wants it, she can have it.
[Ed. Note: You CAN find time to accomplish your longest-held goals. Learn dozens of specific strategies for rearranging your day and putting your top priorities first with ETR's Total Success Achievement program. Get the details here.]
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Add Steam, Boost Antioxidants
Some cooking methods can release disease-causing toxins called AGEs (advanced glycation end products). And other methods can maximize the antioxidant ability of certain foods, unleashing their anti-aging potential.
A recent study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition evaluated the antioxidant content of foods after they were prepared in several different ways. Based on the results of that study, here’s how to get far more free-radical fighting ability out of some of your favorites than they have when they’re raw:
- Carrots : Steaming boosts antioxidants by 291%; boiling by 129-159%.
- Asparagus : Steaming boosts antioxidants by 205%.
- Broccoli : Steaming boosts antioxidants by 122-654%.
- Green Cabbage : Steaming boosts antioxidants by 448%.
- Red Cabbage : Steaming boosts antioxidants by 270%.
- Green Pepper : Steaming boosts antioxidants by 467%.
- Red Pepper : Steaming boosts antioxidants by 180%.
- Tomatoes: Steaming boosts antioxidants by 112-164%.
- Spinach: Boiling boosts antioxidants by 84-114%.
- Sweet Potatoes : Steaming boosts antioxidants by 413%.
[Ed. Note: Kelley Herring is founder and CEO of Healing Gourmet (www.healinggourmet.com). Simple choices - like how you cook your food - can make all the difference in the world when it comes to your health. Get more easy-to-follow suggestions for improving your health by signing up for ETR's free natural health e-letter. Learn more here.]
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It’s Good to Know: Disappearing Languages
At least one of the world’s estimated 6,000 languages goes extinct every two weeks. Native speakers either die off or assimilate into larger cultures over several generations. Most of the disappearing languages are spoken by very few (in some cases, just one person) – usually tribal people who are moving into the modern world. Extinction hotspots include the Pacific Northwest, Oklahoma (home of the highest density of indigenous languages in the U.S.), several parts of South America, northern Australia, and eastern Siberia.
(Source: National Geographic)
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The Greatest Medical Discovery of the Century
Scientists have discovered a remarkable substance that has the power to prevent diabetes, stop heart disease before it starts, and kill cancer cells on contact. In fact, this substance has been shown to prevent and treat more than 20 major diseases in all!
However, more than 85% of the population is deficient in this disease-killer at least part of the year. And believe it or not, medical professionals and health authorities actually advise people to avoid the single greatest source of this vital substance.
Click here to learn why you probably haven’t heard about this revolutionary discovery.
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Word to the Wise: Small Beer
The expression "small beer" – derived from a name for beer with very little alcohol content – refers to something that’s insignificant.
Example (as used by Jerry Coyne in The New York Times): "Call me a geek, but for biologists, marvels like the parasitic flatworm are on tap every day, making the reveries of Hollywood seem like small beer."
Copyright ETR, LLC, 2008
This makes a lot of sence to me…and your vegtables will be crisper and probably taste better too.
Personally, I don’t like my vegtables over cooked.
I used to par boil them…but now I will steam them.
The orientals sure have that mode of cooking over us! They have been steaming for thousands of years.
Southern smiles and world peace,
Sharon
~The Baby Boomer Queen~
BabyBoomerAdvisorClub.com
I dreamed as a child of all that was possible and had no doubt I could achieve it. Somewhere along the way I began to listen to those around me and doubt crept in and clouded that belief. My challenge now is to overcome the years of darkness and realize there is light if I want it to exist.
So here it is, I leap and steady myself like an eager child hurling along the stepping stones from careerless jobs to jobless careers.
Writing… I like to write but can it pay… I wondered about computer programming in the same way thirty years ago…where to start; how to begin; why am I thinking about starting over?
It sounds fun… a leap of faith or does inertia win again?
I was seventeen and insanely happy this cold, dark winter night. I had a snowmobile under my control and a gorgeous sixteen year old young woman hanging tight to my waist. Why I stopped as we were roaring along a trail I’ll never know, but if I hadn’t I’d never have seen my eighteenth birthday.
I often wonder why I agreed to do it again; work overseas that is. Was it the money, the travel, the exotic location and interesting people, or just the challenge of working in the jungle?
All I know is that I am having the time of my life.
Kevin – terrific 3 sentences. It’s obvious you’re a great copywriter.
When I was 20, I fell deeply in love and cried for days when the man married someone else. After waking one morning to a world fresh with sunshine and color, and realizing that life is good even after heartbreak, the experience became an archetypal lesson of recovery and rebirth. Thirty-eight years later I had the opportunity to live that lesson on a deeper level when I again fell deeply in love and again had my heart broken…by the same man.
My life has figuratively “GONE TO THE DOGS” last year due to mistakes in my business and personal life. Forced to search for a new path, I had to adopt major changes for the better and am slowly but surely recovering from the crash. I am now enjoying a renewed life perspective with my wife and 6-month old baby with a new business we put up that puts a literal meaning to the phrase “GONE TO THE DOGS” – breeding working dogs and training dogs in various fields (videos of my new doggy life at http://www.youtube.com/manalok9).
When my children (2 girls) were growing up they would always think it funny to say that when they were adults and got married and had lots of kids they would bring them all to me to mind while they went out and partied. My response was “When you’re old enough to leave home – I’m going!” Well, what can I say, when they were 21 and 17 (respectively) – I moved to China… be careful what you repetitively say.
We had planned the birth of our first son differently: a home birth with “the angels singing above”. Anyone know how you make God laugh? You tell Him your plans.
Sitting on the F train all those years ago on my way to work,if you had told me that I would be living in Paradise with the best view in the world, I wouldn’ve said “Aw, go on!”. Makes me wonder what I am not now imagining that is shimmering on the perhiphery of my imagination. If a life can evolve from urban jungles to tropical paradises and phoenix’s arise from the ashes it seems that mining the clues of now and getting really excited would be the way I want to be.
My job was killing us. In one week, I quit my government job and we bought a house. It was one of the best things we ever did.
Five minutes until I need to leave the house and here I am in front of my computer
Some write poetry routinely everyday but can I just squeeze in my three lines now?
Yes, of course I can and, if I want to, I could write my three lines routinely every day.
When I was 11 years old, my dad just up and died on me and I was really pissed off about it. I was so mad, in fact, that I spent the next 25 years trying to be like him and trying to find a replacement for him. Finally, I discovered that he had left the best of him with me all along.
Living in a small town built by the paper industry trying to force life to happen is a desperate place to be. After years of flailing and failing I leapt not knowing where I would land. Now, two years later, I have never been happier an have a yearning for the excitement of a new challenge.
I was ten and my grandmother was eighty-three. I’d never known anyone to have died. She asked me to help her to her bed, she was incoherent, I felt so small and by early afternoon the next day she was gone.
While living in my car, I was assaulted, and fled town permanently looking for safety. After hours of tear-filled driving, I limped into a small diner for a bite, felt safer, found a parking lot to rest in, and fell asleep wondering if I should stay. The next morning when I awoke, I found $100 on the seat, so I became a new “resident” and never left.
Coming of legal age, I had reached a milestone simply by getting older. Now, an almost senior citizen and looking back, I realize the truth if the adage “Life is short”. Thankfully demographics and ‘gray power’ changed everything about getting old.
At the age of 21 it was not hard to leave a divided country and disturbed family behind. With excitement I looked forward to start life anew in another world.Setting off on a freighter, passing through Panama Canal and embarking in SF was just the beginning.
I spent half of my working life in a Government job, only to become a casualty of yet another reorganization. On Friday I went to work and on Monday I found myself an MBA student in class at university. Six years later I am an MBA and a PhD
and wonder where life’s journey will take me next.
Rita H. rita@moreintel.biz
Gee, that was supposed be three separate stories.
) on retry.
It got all jammed together.
That was after a refusal to post (gray box with error message) and a change of heart by ‘the system’(!…. ?…
Rita H.
On one of our regular weekend visits to our great-grandparents house, my cousin and I cut down a fresh pine tree for the pontoons of our raft. We nailed a few boards across the four-foot lengths of FRESH logs we had cut, then shoved off from the shore of Papa’s icy pond. After a journey of four feet, my cousin and I went straight to the bottom of the pond, requiring us to dry out for several hours while shivering uncontrollably in the barn.
My Ex-wife and I learned a painful and humbling lesson when we chose not to learn from the experiences of other people. We, like so many others who refuse to listen, lost everything we had worked for. We found ourselves involved in the world of drugs, meth, and Social Services. Being too thick headed, I didn’t believe what the true consequences would be.
A life worth remembering, growing up I had the stigma of knowing my father married my mother’s sister. How embarrassing to refer to your family as the real soap opera. Two years ago on his dying bed, he apologized for his mishaps,and I forgave him and said I love him for the first time in my life.
Financial disaster in ’71 forced me to haul my toddler to the overgrown West Virginia farmland of my husband’s grandparents. Thirteen years of “third-world homesteading” weakened me physically but strengthened me mentally…I can kill and gut a chicken I’ve hand-raised and not throw up. While I’ve not used those skills in over 20 years of a somewhat easier life in my ancestral Florida, the looming hard times bring the specter of adapting what I learned to suburban survival.
I am saddened by the aspect that people are loosing their inherited language forms. They give so much colour, diversity and stimulate curiosity and interactions between people groups. I know in the UK that there are very few people who speek welsh, or cornish or pictish. However our nation is starting to value these forms and encouraging younger people to be educated in these forms. So lets hope that other countries can be ligusitically healthy wealthy and wise and exploit the facites of language diversity
Hi John,
You want brief, here is brief
University assignment to literature class:
Write a short story containing elements of religion, mystery and sex.
Winning entry: “My God, I am pregnant. I wonder who the father is.”
Cheers,
Rita H.
Hi John,
My three sentence story:
I always regretted not following the career indicated by my actions on the first day at school:Istripped off all my clothes.
It felt so natural because prior to this, anytime I was going to be away from home for a day (usually with relatives in the country)I was required to remove my “good” clothes and put on my “dirty up” clothes.
I’ve given many speeches in my lifetime and bared my soul in public but no reaction is as memorable as that from the small group of boys in the corner on the day I bared my body in public!
My Dad was my hero; a country doctor in Salt Lake City for 50 years beginning in the Depression. Often his “paychecks” were lumps of coal packed into gunny sacks, or headless, unplucked chickens, or fresh berries stuffed in stained paper bags. When asked where the cash payments were, he always answered that he was pleased that his patients would find ways to pay him “in full.”
I loved my childhood on our family farm and it shaped me in so many ways. In my twenties I lost myself as I adventured further afield and missed my opportunity to secure my share of the family farm. Now I am returning to myself as I settle near my childhood farm and plan a way to return to the farm again.
I wanted to be cool…real cool, when I went out to dinner with my boss and some new potential customers the other day.
As we were all going in one car to a recently opened restaurant,I took along my brand new GPS enabled cell phone for directions.
Unfortunately, I forgot to turn the GPS function off, and as we approached the manager to obtain our table, a loud computerised voice from my top pocket screamed out: “turn around immediately…turn around immediately”.
Sometimes the big blue sky is so clear . . . Surrounded by creation’s intent
As I walk within an infinite mirror
Upon the pathway I’ve been sent,
I can feel the love growing
And spread out my eagle’s wings.
Welcoming the mighty winds blowing
And the divine promise that it brings,
Now that I can look from above at
The tiny world below.
I’m harmless as a dove,
Still amazed by all there is to know.
We grow alone to share together,
I’m so at home with you nothing else matters . . .
Touched by infinite infinities
Deep within your eyes, Hushed by all my heart sees
Dreams that cannot die.
This is for John Carlton’s request for a 3 sentence story:
“I’d always wanted to be a missionary and save the world. My opportunity appeared at age 20 and I excitedly dropped everything to teach on an Indian reserve, trading my long beautiful coat with a white fox collar, $100 black leather high boots and makeup for a short green jacket with a safety pin, muckluks and a fresh clean face. After a year of warding off wild dogs, crazy locals, impetigo, loneliness and futility, I dropped the quest like a hot potato and joined the commercial world. “
Three sentences
November 8th 2002, we have resisted the illegal takeover of our farm in Zimbabwe for almost 3 years, other farmers have been murdered and assaulted. The police succeed in arresting me on their third attempt, I spend 3 days and nights in a 12 x 10 ft cell with, at times 26 others. November 11th, I am released on condition I do not return to my farm, we have no home, business, income or assets, we move to Canada with 2 suitcases each to start a new life at age 54.
Retiring soon… Healthy… No medications… Ready for a once over physical checkup… Doctors report A1 OK… Eat plenty of healthy foods… get lots of extra size… Put a lot of weight on what Doc says… Shouldn’t we all? Whad ya say?
I’ve been super busy lately, what with raising two kids, helping my husband start up a business and trying to get my own career going as a freelancer.
I had a hard time fitting in a call to my grandpa after hearing about his surgery, but managed to squeeze it in and could hear in his voice how pleased he was that I cared. And boy, I’m glad, for a few days later he passed away.
I read someplace that Germans are particularly prone to banana addiction. I don’t know if this is true, but here I find myself driving down dusty dirt roads through splendid, sunlit Rocky Mountain high scenery for the long trip to the nearest town. After 15 minutes I had to trade the nourishing high altitude sunlight for garish florescent lights in a mad dash through the grocery store for my tryptophan laced banana .
“There you go – two females,” the pet store clerk announced, placing the box of gerbils into my eager nine-year-old hands. My mother smiled. Little did she know this was the beginning not only of the Martin family rodent dynasty, but also of her innocent daughter’s sex education.
This is becoming addictive!
Once during my short career as a camp counselor I was alerted to the fact that we had a skunk hanging around the campsite. I had the bright idea to chuck a shoe in its general direction in the hopes of scaring it away. If only I could hit an intended target the way I beaned that skunk!
My first job out of college was as a biological illustrator for a zoology professor. I produced a series of detailed, to-scale drawings of freshwater crabs, some of which were published in a scientific journal (The Journal of Crustacean Biology, to be specific.) It was fascinating work, but rather smelly.
After a months-long battle with cancer, our companion of 13 years had clearly had enough. We bundled her into the car, my daughter steadying her to ease the jolting ride to the vet’s. As the needle slid into her vein, the pain and suffering quickly drained from her body – only to settle mercilessly into our hearts.
At 39, she grew tired of asking herself what she wanted to be when she grew up. Time and again she’d come to the brink of a decision, only to waver at the edge, fearful of commitment. Finally she realized that as a writer, she could become anything she dreamed of.
Imagine this, over a 6 year period, I lost my 21 year old son, my unborn baby girl in my 8th month of pregnancy, 2 brothers to AIDS, and my father. I could have given up, felt sorry for myself, made it about me, instead I asked myself what each one of them would have wanted for me, and that was to live a life of courage, to encourage others, to have a wonderful life. Today I live in Laguna Beach, California with Cody, my awesome husband of 22 years, who walked this journey with me, lending me strength and courage every step of the way.
By 10:24 P.M., it became obvious that she was not going to come up with a story that would split people’s sides with laughter or coax tears down their cheeks. So she cleared her brain and began to type the first words to come into her head. “Not bad,” she told herself four minutes later, “It’s not great literature but it’ll do.”
As Anne wandered dreamily along the rain forest path, pushing thoughts of leaving this tropical wonderland firmly to the back of her mind, she was rudely snapped from her reverie by a searing pain in her left foot. Tears springing to her eyes, she discovered a small insect viciously jabbing its abdomen into the webbing between her sandaled toes. As silly as it seems, she couldn’t help but feel personally affronted by the hostile display.
The old man had a special reverence for nettles. As a young boy facing starvation in wartime Germany, he had helped his family gather the stinging leaves, which, when boiled, became a nutritious staple. He owed his life to this lowly weed.
In 1973, the Northern Michigan University Wildcats didn’t win a game all season. It was miserable – by the end of the last quarter of the season’s final game, just about the only ones left to watch the dejected team members trudge off the snowy field were the members of the marching band. And most of them were watching the clock.
Young Liszt was fanatic about practice – he would spend hours at the piano, practicing scales, arpeggios, trills and tremolos sometimes 10 or 12 hours a day.
All his hard work paid off. By the time Liszt reached his early 20’s, many believed him to be the greatest pianist who ever lived.
My two-year-old daughter nearly dislocated my shoulder pulling me toward the pony rides. “I want to ride the white one!” she squealed repeatedly during the 30-minute wait in line. But as we boosted her into the saddle, the horse twitched its skin – and her shining eyes quickly erupted into frightened tears.
I fished it out of the rain barrel, half drowned and shivering in the cold early- morning light. The little bat clung to my shirt and slowly opened up its wings, raising them to catch the light and heat of the strengthening sunlight streaming through the cabin window. I had intended to keep it inside until I was sure the danger of hypothermia had passed, but when it began to creep up my hair towards the top of my head I decided that nature loves freedom and stepped outside just in time for it to launch itself away from me and streak awkwardly away over the trees.
More from John Carlton…
Gosh, I sure hope that first section of my comments made it before the Computer Demons knocked me off this site.
If not, I apologize. I was adding some input about storytelling, and giving kudo’s to a few folks. Like Kevin Rogers — who, as a comedian, has HAD to learn the discipline of brevity and concise wit. Top copywriters all study comedy.
Susan Dowd — good job. “Chronic Uncontrollable Giggling” is a great phrase, worthy of more stories.
Leo Honeycutt’s submission was dead on. P Cline’s phrase “gutter epiphany” is reminiscent of Oscar Wilde’s great quote (“All of us are in the gutter, some of us are looking at the stars”) and carries great weight for storytelling. Nice.
Aldo Hanson cracked me up — always a way to win over readers. (Though, of course, be wary of trying to SELL with humor. It mostly bombs. Still, with the right attitude, humor helps you BOND with people more quickly than anything else.)
Tom O’Dea illustrated something critical: Most folks would have needed ten minutes to tell the story he related in 3 crisp, short sentences. Here is proof that even complex tales can be reduces to essential elements, and still communicate a great deal.
Billy Santone started out with a bang, but petered out. That’s okay — even top writers are contstantly fiddling with edits, and we all stumble at times. What Billy needs is a wrap-up, some closure. Many people initiated stories, but didn’t “close” them… so the reader is left hanging. A “cliff hanger” tactic is different — you are left desperate for more. Just ending “too soon” isn’t the same thing — you need that “punch line” effect, of closing things in a complete tale. You’ll get it, Billy. Thanks for trying.
Glenn Hyska’s tale of going from “normal” to a salsa beast has potential. I found myself remembering the tale long after I read it… but I still don’t have the sense I’ve been told a story yet.
Aldo Hansen: Funny, dude!
And Lee did some poetry, using the 3 sentence confinement. It worked. There is a “Haiku” element to great storytelling — packing lots of vivid imagry and breathtaking detail into a small umber of words, elegantly arranged to read “smooth”.
There was a lot of soul-searching in the mix, which is great. However, focusing on one specific situation or angle communicates better when you’re hemmed in like this.
It’s fine to want to pack your entire life into 3 sentences… but, as many writers showed, you tend to raise more questions than you answer, and that’s not a story.
I’m stoked that so many of you contributed, and I hope the exercise served its purpose here.
Excellent audience here at ETR.
Thanks again.
John
John here again.
Okay, it looks like my first installment of comments didn’t make it. There are, it seems, ghosts in the machine here.
Situation normal. Glitches abound.
One last thing: I cannot stress how important the study of comedy is to top writers. My pal David Deutsch — a longtime “A” List copywriter with controls for the likes of Boardroom and elsewhere — is even devoting himself to improv. He found a troup in his North Carolina college town, and he finds the hard-core need for fast thinking while tapping the funniest parts of your brain is EXCELLENT training for writing well.
Consider how tough it is to tell a joke correctly.
When you nail it, you’ve mastered a whole menu of communcation secrets that translate easily to great writing.
More later…