3 Ways to Get Unstuck (and Face Your FEAR)
Have you ever felt stuck in your business, relationships, or your goals?
Don’t lie. I know you have. I know because I have, too. It’s human.
The difference between success and failure is knowing that “stuck” is not a permanent residence. Rather, it’s more of a pit stop—a pit stop where you can either give in to fear and turn back, or push through with PURPOSE.
Best-selling author Ryan Holiday once told me, “I love writer’s block because I know that once I break through [it], a New York Times bestseller is right on the other side.”
But how can we make sure we persevere?
That’s simple, but not easy.
I’ll let Janet show you. Janet is a client of mine, and she and I recently talked about this very frustration:
Zander: What’s an area of your life where you’re feeling stuck?
Janet: My coaching business isn’t moving forward. I’ve been working on it full-time for the last 15 months and I’m barely bringing in $1,000 per month. I’m going to have to shut it down and go back to a nine-to-five.
Zander: How did you let that happen?
Janet: I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t been giving it the energy it really needs to get off the ground. Maybe I’ve been focusing on the easy things rather than the things I know produce results.
Zander: What are you pretending not to know?
Janet: What do you mean?
Zander: We almost always pretend not to know the truth about a difficult or troubling situation. We hide it from ourselves because it’s scary to face. We think it’s for our own safety and protection, but it hurts us in the end. So, what are you pretending not to know?
Janet: Oh man. Well, I guess I’m pretending not to know I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of people judging me—especially my family and friends. I’m pretending not to know that this fear is the only thing preventing me from moving forward. I’m scared to really put myself all the way out there.
Zander: Good! Okay, so I have another tough question for you. What is the benefit to keeping things the way they are right now? (There’s always a benefit, otherwise we wouldn’t be doing it.)
Janet: I don’t have to get out of my comfort zone. I don’t have to face my fears. I don’t have to “look foolish” and possibly fail at something.
Zander: That’s true, but at what cost?
Janet: Sh*t, well, I will never have the business and life I truly want. I’ll have to go back to a nine-to-five. And worse, there are thousands of people out there who need my help and aren’t getting it.
Zander: Alright, so now you know your options. Which would you rather be experiencing?
Janet: I’d rather not worry about what other people think and have a successful business. I want to help hundreds of people a year and make the money I want to make so I don’t have to go back to a day job. That’s what I really want!
Zander: How do you make that happen? What actions can you take or requests can you make to move forward?
Janet: I need to ask for help. I need to get my communication skills down. And I need to get my message out to the world—even if it means some people won’t like it.
The month after we had this conversation, Janet brought in $10,000 in clients—more than her business earned the entire year before.
Here’s the lesson: Every decision we make in life comes from either purpose or fear. When you choose PURPOSE, “stuck” is nothing more than a pit stop.
Below are three tools I use with clients to help them push through with purpose. You can use them, too—whatever your “pit stop” may be:
1. Understand you ALWAYS have a choice
Feel your fears and discomfort and CHOOSE to act anyway.
Remember when you were 10 and all you wanted was to jump off the high dive at the pool? When you finally got up there, though, you were terrified.
Did you climb back down and ask your dad to take you to therapy so you could overcome those fears and jump off? NO. You faced your fear and just JUMPED. Once you had proven you wouldn’t die, you ran right back up the ladder and did it again with zero hesitation.
You always have a choice.
2. Realize that you create your own fears
Don’t think of fear as some abstract emotion. When you hear it or think it, remember this acronym: False Experiences Appearing Real (FEAR). When you begin to unpack your own FEAR, you’ll understand that it is baseless.
Consider this: You’re born with a few evolutionary fears, like the fear of loud noises and the fear of heights. That’s it. Everything else you create in your own mind.
You tell yourself by asking that cute girl or guy on a date they will say “no” and you’ll look stupid, so you reject yourself before they even could.
You tell yourself if you put your business out there, people will judge you—even stop liking you for trying to sell them stuff. So what do you do? You hold back and play in the little leagues as your dreams slowly disintegrate.
You tell yourself you don’t have the right ideas to make you a lot of money, so you don’t even bother to share them.
You create the stories that prevent you from acting. Un-create them, and don’t give FEAR any power.
3. Learn to NAME the nameless, and it will lose its power over you
This is exactly what I did with Janet. Ask yourself the same questions I did when you are feeling stuck, and finally name what’s really plaguing you.
Most importantly, hold yourself accountable to the action steps you define for yourself. Without accountability, you may fall back into fear.
Looking back on your life, what do you remember the most? The times you played it safe? Or the times you faced fear head on and pushed through with purpose?
Your answer speaks for itself.
On the path to success, nothing is more powerful than the ability to face one’s own demons.
And once we face and conquer them—using the tools and techniques documented in this FREE book—we can achieve anything.
Perfect Days and a Perfect Life are ahead. But you have to take the reins. Will you?