It is inexcusable to pass along bulk mail as a daily message, but every so often I come across something that I am sure you will appreciate. The following, sent to me by RH (and I don’t think I even know RH) were designed to “maintain a healthy level of insanity.” Next time you are having a shitty day, try a few of these remedies. They may not be as serious as some of the suggestions I’ve made before (see Messages #176 and #203), but they might work just as well or even better!
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e-mail address is “:”
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if he/she wants fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
10. Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy.”
11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically when they answer.
14. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
15. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. At lunchtime, go to the nearest ATM and, when the money comes out, scream “I Won! I Won! This is the third time this week!”