A Positive Approach to Dealing With Negative People
Issue #2034
- WEALTHY: Another bubble in danger of bursting (Charles Delvalle)
- HEALTHY: Lose 4 pounds (or more) of fat in 12 weeks (Craig Ballantyne)
- WISE: Abraham Lincoln on happiness
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE:
- 9 ways to handle an emotional vampire (Peggy McColl)
- Add a bit of bubbly to your summer evenings (Michael Masterson)
- It’s Fun to Know… about lab accidents
- Add "bon vivant" to your vocabulary
Hello Bob,
I finished The Billionaire Way about 10 days ago. Now I promise you I did not cheat on this so hear me out.
I started the first two or three days I think and there was a transaction I was involved in that I was not comfortable with but had an emotional attachment to. I sat down one night and crunched the numbers and made some tough decisions, all emotion aside.
Then about two weeks into the program there was the day when we had to exclude our emotions and cut off dead baggage. Wow, I felt like yeah, OK I’m getting this because I just did that.
OK so now I’m tearing along the program, accepting things that I am already doing and working on the things I am not comfortable with. Vigilantly everyday, watching the DVD after the kids were in bed and working my work book.
Two days after I finished the program I saw an opportunity which I could assess very well given my clarity of vision, my assessments of my talents and the work I had accomplished.
It is my joy to tell you that I am founding executive of a new international network marketing company, the likes of which have never been seen and I have already built my team Australia wide within 10 days, using the billionaire way techniques.
I lost my fear, opened my mind and listened and I cannot believe the result. Thank you so much…
Regards,
Kathy
Learn more about The Billionaire Way program today…
A Warning About the Chinese IPO Boom
By Charles Delvalle
Given how often I see China splattered across the front page of investing magazines, it’s no shock that many investors have been willing to buy Chinese companies at any price. And as it turns out, if you had bought and held onto all 11 Chinese IPOs (initial public offerings) made available since January of 2006, you would have made a nice 46 percent on your money.
Not bad.
But don’t get suckered into the Chinese IPO game. The potential for profits may be big, but so is the risk. Everybody’s going to want a piece of this action, but chances are they’re going to get burned at some point this year when the overbought China market bubble bursts.
As with all your investments, don’t blindly buy into any IPO - Chinese or otherwise. Due diligence is always the best way to maximize your winners and avoid losers.
[Ed. Note: Charles Delvalle is a contributing editor to ETR's Investor's Daily Edge newsletter and a regular contributor to INCOME. INCOME lets you in on the safest high-dividend-paying companies, with the goal of providing you with a total return (dividends plus capital gains) of at least 14 percent per year.]
"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Abraham Lincoln
A Positive Approach to Dealing With Negative People
By Peggy McColl
Not long ago, I happened to meet a lovely woman who, like me, was selling her house. We started to have a nice chat, and she told me that she was selling the place because she was getting divorced. It was her second marriage, and she was deeply sad about the breakup. She went on to explain that her second husband and her three sons from her first marriage were having difficulty getting along, and she’d had to make a choice.
I could tell that her heart was aching. Her eyes filled with tears and she started to cry. My eyes welled up, too. But instead of crying, I reminded her of the great things she had in her life, such as her beautiful little boys and her close relationship with them. I told her that after my divorce I’d realized that I was lucky to have had the experience of having my husband in my life, even if it was for a short period, because it gave me the opportunity to cherish and remember the good times. I encouraged her to believe that a new world of possibilities awaited her as she entered this new stage of her life.
As she began to connect with her own faith and optimism, I could see a smile begin to appear on her face. I was glad that I’d chosen not to be pulled into her sadness. I could still feel a sense of harmony and connection to her and experience sympathy, but rather than commiserate, I’d opted to lift her up… and raised myself up in the process.
Sometimes people won’t respond to your efforts to help them switch into a more positive emotional state. In such a case, it’s okay to simply let them be alone with their feelings until they’re ready.
Several years ago, for example, my friend Patricia and I had plans to meet at a restaurant and go to a concert afterward. I showed up at the restaurant feeling fantastic and on top of the world, and I was excited about the upcoming performance. Patricia showed up in a foul mood. Normally, she’s a happy and fun lady, but not that evening.
As soon as we started talking, it was blatantly clear that we weren’t vibrating at the same energy level. I wanted to help switch Patricia’s emotional energy, but no matter what I said or tried to do to uplift her, she was staying firmly grounded in her negativity.
However, as much as Patricia was determined not to join me in my positive state, I was equally determined not to join her in her negative one. So we had dinner, working our way through a conversation that was like a ping-pong match: Negative energy would fly across the table, and positive energy would be sent back in the other direction. Back and forth. Back and forth.
At the concert, we had tickets for seats in a box with a dozen other people. Patricia managed to find a chair in a corner. She now had an "I want to be alone" look about her. I understood that she needed to work through her emotions and, knowing her well, I had faith that she would do just that. So I left her alone. But once the concert began and everyone was on their feet dancing, Patricia was dancing too - and it turned out to be a fabulous evening for both of us after all.
There will be times when you’ll have to deal with difficult, negative people, perhaps because they’re relatives, co-workers, or neighbors and you don’t want to (or can’t) avoid them. They may not be able or willing to shift out of their negativity, but - instead of allowing these emotional vampires to suck you dry - you’ll feel positive and empowered when you respond in one of the following ways:
- Sympathize.
When you say "I can understand why you might feel that way" or "I’m sorry that’s how you feel," you’re expressing compassion and kindness toward someone who could use some positive energy, without being drawn into that person’s negativity yourself.
- Suggest a more positive emotion that they could be experiencing.
You can do this in a subtle way. If someone asks me, "Doesn’t it make you furious when drivers won’t move out of the passing lane?" I say, "No, actually, it makes me curious" or "No, it makes me wonder why they’re so oblivious to the traffic around them." When I was recently asked if I was upset that my house hadn’t yet sold, I said, "No, I’m not upset. I’ve priced the house right, houses are selling all over the place, and I know that I only need one buyer."
- Offer a more positive way of describing the situation.
If someone complains "It’s so chaotic around here," say "Never a dull moment. I’m glad we’re so flexible and able to go with the flow!"
- Suggest a less extreme way of looking at it.
When you hear someone use extreme words such as never, always, everyone, or no one, gently correct their negatively distorted point of view. Say, for example, "I can see how you’d feel that way after what happened, but I have faith that not every contractor is a crook."
- Use humor.
In response to "I can’t believe how impossible the traffic is on this road. I don’t know why I even bother getting into my car," you could say "I know! Fred Flintstone could pedal faster! Where’s our private jet when we need it?" It’s hard to stay mad or unhappy when you’re giggling.
- Point out the positive aspects of the situation.
If someone says, "I can’t believe how lousy this hockey coach is," you might say, "Well, he seems to be able to get the boys to do their best individually and support each other as a team - and I know my son is having a great time playing with him." And if you hear complaints about someone’s aches and pains, you might say, "Well, I’m glad that if you’re not feeling well, at least I can be here to cheer you up!" (And then smile.)
- Gently and lovingly point out what they can do to rectify the situation.
When people are venting, they usually don’t want to hear advice. But after they calm down, they’ll often take in and seriously contemplate the words of wisdom they’ve been given.
When you hear a complaint about a political issue, for example, you could say, "I agree that it’s very important" - and then encourage that person to write about it to the newspaper or their local representative… or even run for office. Remind people of their power over their own lives so they can start connecting with more positive emotions.
- Emphasize the present moment and the hope for the future.
If someone says, "It really stinks that my car had to go to the shop last week," reply "Isn’t it great that it’s in the past now?" Then you can switch to a positive subject, saying something along the lines of "So, what are you going to do now that your car is fixed? Are you going to drive somewhere this weekend just to get away and have some fun?"
- Remind them of their gifts.
People who see the glass as half-empty can sometimes stop their string of complaints when you remind them of the positive things they have.
Regularly dealing with a difficult person can be draining. It takes a lot of energy to avoid getting sucked into their negativity and keep the switches on your own positive emotions high.
If the negativity of someone else becomes so great that you’re actually being abused - verbally or physically - and they’re unwilling or unable to change their behavior, you must pull away. When you let someone mistreat you, you’re being unkind and unloving toward yourself by giving that person permission to abuse you… and that’s not okay.
[Ed. Note: This article was adapted from Peggy McColl's book Your Destiny Switch: Master Your Key Emotions, and Attract the Life of Your Dreams.]
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Don’t Forget Strength Training for Fat Loss
By Craig Ballantyne
For most people, the idea of an exercise-based fat-loss program conjures up thoughts of endless sessions on a treadmill or bike. Aside from the fact that workouts like that are boring, if you’re a regular reader of ETR you know that long-duration "cardio" could be harmful to your health. But you don’t need cardio to lose fat.
Researchers from Purdue University found that a group of 36 healthy men and women (with an average age of 61 - including one who was 80 years old!) were able to lose fat, gain muscle, get stronger, lower LDL cholesterol, and improve blood sugar control with a simple strength workout routine.
The study subjects performed strength training three times a week for 12 weeks while consuming a 2,000-calorie-per-day diet. The training consisted of basic exercises that can be performed at any health club, including leg presses, chest presses, and seated rows. Each workout consisted of three sets per exercise and 8 to 12 repetitions per set.
While the average bodyweight of the men and women didn’t change over the 12-week program, they did gain an average of four pounds of lean mass and lost an average of over four pounds of fat. In addition, strength training improved their blood sugar control - helping to protect them against diabetes. (The researchers attribute this benefit in part to the gains in muscle mass.)
If you are new to strength training, ask a personal trainer to design a workout for you to help build muscle and burn fat. You don’t even need fancy machines. A good trainer can provide you with dumbbell exercises to do at home.
[Ed. Note: Craig Ballantyne is a world-renowned Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist. Check out his Turbulence Training for Fat Loss system on his website ]
Living Rich: What You Should Know About Prosecco
By Michael Masterson
In ETR #2028, I told you that I’d be writing a series of articles to describe what flashes through my mind when I shop for or taste some of my favorite wines. I’m starting, today, with Prosecco. This - in my opinion - is one of the great white wines of the world, though it doesn’t get much credit for being so. In fact, it’s often considered to be a poor sister to Champagne, although they are very different.
I discovered this great bubbly white in a humiliating fashion about a dozen years ago in Italy. A bon vivant friend of my sister insisted that we drink nothing else but Prosecco while lounging outside in the hot June evening. When I told him I didn’t know anything about Prosecco, he said, "Then, darling, you don’t really know anything about wine, do you?"
Prosecco is generally dryer (less sweet) and crisper than Champagne. It’s easier to drink without getting a headache. And it is much easier on the wallet.
Prosecco is produced in northeast Italy, between Venice and Trieste. The best Prosecco, I have read, comes from Conegliano, Pieve di Soligo, and Valdobbiadene. You might want to look for those names on the label.
Prosecco is named after the grape from which it is made, although it is occasionally blended with Verdiso, a local grape, and Pinot Bianco. It comes in a range of bubbliness, from spumante (fully sparkling) to frizzante (lightly sparkling). I’ve heard that it can even have no carbonation at all, though I have never personally come across any like that.
One reason Prosecco has a bad reputation is the way it’s made. The bubbles aren’t created within the individual bottle by fermentation - the way Champagne bubbles are created - but by a simpler process (called charmat) whereby a large vessel of wine is carbonated in bulk before being bottled. This process is not admired by wine purists, but it certainly works well for Prosecco.
My sister’s friend recommended a Prosecco labeled "Rustico" from the producer Nino Franco. (This should be widely available.) He said it was "an excellent example, bone-dry, crisp and clean," and recommended it to be drunk without aging and enjoyed with a light meal. You shouldn’t have to spend more than $15 for a good Prosecco - and you can often spend much less.
[Ed. Note: Want to learn more about building your own wine collection? Read Michael's article "A Start-Up Collection for New Collectors."]
It’s Fun to Know: About Lab Accidents
The following products were all the result of accidents or blunders in the lab: Kevlar, superglue, cellophane, gunpowder, photographs, phonographs, Teflon, penicillin, LSD, Viagra, and (of course) The Incredible Hulk.
(Source: Discover Magazine)
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Word to the Wise: Bon Vivant
A "bon vivant" (bon vee-VANT) - from the French for "good living" - is a person who enjoys good food and drink.
Example (as I used it today): "A bon vivant friend of my sister insisted that we drink nothing else but Prosecco while lounging outside in the hot June evening."
[Ed. Note: Become a more persuasive writer and speaker ... build your self-confidence and intellect ... increase your attractiveness to others ... just by spending 10 VERY enjoyable minutes a day with ETR's new Words to the Wise CD Library.]
Michael Masterson
Copyright ETR, LLC, 2007