Life doesn’t begin at 40, but in many cases it starts to get a lot easier.
You’ve clambered up the greasy career pole, been through the terrors of new parenthood and turned your back on really bad outfits and haircuts. Here’s why your forties are fantastic.
1. People think you’re a grown-up
You’re still 16 in your own head, but people take you seriously.
2. You don’t need to have opinions on new music, movies or pop culture in general
Pretending to like Drenge or FKA Twigs isn’t going to impress peers who stopped listening to new music in 1997. Freedom from pop culture leaves loads of time for more important things like Better Call Saul and grunting when you get out of chairs.
3. You have all the stuff
Remember when you used to dream of that state-of-the-art stereo or big TV you could never afford? Now you can pretty much buy whatever you want! And you don’t have to justify it to your dad.
4. You’re not such an arse any more
Most of us were pretty awful in our teens and twenties, but if you make it to your forties without being killed or joining UKIP there’s a pretty good chance you’re a much nicer person than you were back then. You’re not trying to project an image any more. You’re just looking for a chance to sit down.
5. You can afford to drive a nice car
When you’re 20, insuring a clapped-out Corsa costs about eleventy billion quid. When you’re in your forties, you can insure a Ferrari for about a fiver.
6. You’ve got a house
You got on board before the bubble.
7. You aren’t scared to say no
You’ve learnt the hard way that trying to please people can often be a big pain in the backside with very little upside.
8. You can finally see the bands you never saw live
Hurrah for incredibly unfair major label record contracts! All your favourite bands are broke, so they’re back on tour. Not only can you afford to go this time, but they’ve all stopped taking drugs and sound so much better than they did back in the day. Just don’t look at them.
9. Nobody gives a toss what you look like
Cool people don’t even notice you. Provided you aren’t tooling down the high street in some unholy combination of string vest, fishnet stockings and waders, nobody’s going to judge you for having the wrong shoes.
10. Whisky tastes nice now
And there’s a whole world of exciting cheese to explore too.
11. Fair-weather friends have all flown away
Friendships take work, and by your forties the people you’re in touch with are the people you actually want to be in touch with. You don’t waste time on people you can’t be bothered with.
12. You’re not old yet
You’re young enough to start new things and old enough to finance them and do them properly.
13. You know what you want in bed, and how to get it
Even if it’s just a cup of tea and some toast.