Walk a Mile in a Jerk’s Shoes
Issue #2414
- WEALTHY: Are recessions the best thing for our economy? (Charles Delvalle)
- HEALTHY: Eat meat, drink wine (Kelley Herring)
- WISE: Bill Watterson on jerks
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE:
- A simple, powerful marketing tactic you may not like (John Carlton)
- Tori Spelling fries up a classic business mistake (Suzanne Richardson)
- It’s Fun to Know… about the pet prescription
- Add "inimical" to your vocabulary
Change Your World With Pocket Change
Money is like a mighty river that flows from our homes out into the world… We scrimp and do without so we don’t run dry! But what if you could turn it
around so the river of money flows back to you… And the cash floods in much faster than you can spend it?
What if you could turn your pocket change into a multimillion-dollar legacy?
How Recessions Help You
Recession. It’s the boogeyman of the economic cycle. And while many people dread these low points, our economy would be worse off without them. How could something so negative make a positive impact on the economy? It’s simple.
When the economy is expanding, money flows into hot, high-growth sectors. Over the years, as the money piles into one or two booming sectors, other sectors are ignored. Eventually, there is over-investment in the booming sectors, while the others are left under-invested.
What a recession does is help reduce the over-investment and redistribute that money to under-invested sectors. This helps add new jobs, new industries, and new sources of income to the economy.
For example, after the real estate bubble collapsed, the money flew (and is still flying) right into commodities (which saw massive under-investment throughout the 90s). You can be sure that once the commodity sector expands significantly and finally begins contracting, money will fly into other parts of the economy that need the money more.
So you see, recessions are a necessary function of the markets. Without them, money isn’t distributed as effectively. And you can do your part to nudge the economy upward – and make serious money for yourself – by seeking out good deals in under-invested sectors.
[Ed. Note: No matter how bleak the economy looks right now, there is still room for you to make money. In fact, once you master a surprisingly simple system, you can be on your way to more wealth than you can imagine. Get the details here.]
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"We don’t devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."
Bill Watterson
Walk a Mile in a Jerk’s Shoes
By John Carlton
Without the insights of good pop psychology, I cannot fathom how my neighbor isn’t wracked with shame every second of his miserable life. Because he truly is a Grade A a-hole.
It’s not just me. Six other neighbors, on all sides, hate this guy’s guts with varying degrees of passion (cuz he harshes everyone’s mellow and disrupts the groove of the cul-de-sac). The Homeowner’s Association regularly slams him with fines (cuz he thinks he’s above the rules). And I’m never surprised to see cop cars parked in his driveway.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
The dude’s obviously a low-life scum, living among people who just want peace and quiet. If I was him, I’d immediately sign up for industrial-strength therapy, and maybe start a brisk program of frequent self-flagellation as punishment.
But I’m not him. I’m someone else, looking at him with utter bafflement, because I cannot understand how he can live with himself, being such an a-hole. Yet, using the simplest basics of psychology… I "get" it. And "getting" it makes me both a better storyteller and a better marketer.
It’s really very straightforward: In Mr. A-hole’s mind, he’s a great guy. Misunderstood. Prone to accidents that could happen to anyone. A smidgen too quick to get angry about stuff that anyone would get pissed off about.
He has a whole menu of excellent reasons that – in his mind – explain everything he does in a way that makes him either totally forgiven and excused… or the victim of unpreventable circumstances. He has rationalized his behavior so that he’s the good guy at the center of his world. And no amount of incoming data that challenges that rationalization will change anything. The dude is bottled up tight. Certain of his own righteousness.
Serial killers think like this. Politicians, too. Also thieves, social outcasts, actors, perverts, and scamsters.
And you, too. And me. And everyone you market to.
It’s part of being human.
Now you and I may also have some redeeming traits, like a code of behavior that prevents us from hurting other people or avoiding doing the right thing (or parking half on a neighbor’s lawn). We are, in fact, a roiling pot of conflicting and battling emotions, urges, habits, learned behaviors, and unconscious drives.
Every day, if we’re lucky, the mixture remains mostly balanced and doesn’t explode or morph into something toxic. But it’s all in there. And it’s all fighting for supremacy.
Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People is called the salesman’s bible because of a simple tactic that works like crazy. That tactic: Learn to walk a mile in another man’s shoes before judging him. Or sizing him up.
This tactic does NOT come with our default settings as humans. You gotta learn it.
Once you’ve been around very small children, you realize how deeply ingrained our selfish desires are. We excuse them in kids, but strive to civilize the little terrors by corraling those desires into submission.
Takes a while.
People who grow up without that kind of mentoring can be hard to deal with. Some special cases – those blessed with an endless supply of sociopathic charm – can still make it work and live lives of selfish abandon. Good for them. But most of us realize that we gotta share the sandbox. And that means sublimating our greedy ape-urges most of the time.
Still, if you’re gonna be a great salesperson, you gotta become a great student of human nature… and notice, catalog, understand, and USE insights like this.
So when you tell a story, it’s easy to figure out what the listener needs to hear to stay interested. When you sell something, it’s easy to know how to incite desire, because you know what people want (which is almost always NOT what you want them to want). And when you’re approaching prospective customers cold – cuz they don’t know who you are – you are able to quickly discern who THEY are, and adjust your tactics accordingly.
But you cannot attain this state of understanding human behavior… without experiencing all the different parts of human behavior out there.
Okay, you don’t want to experience everything. People do some truly disgusting and repulsive stuff that is beyond the boundaries of acceptable experience for the rest of us. But within reason, you at least need to learn how to walk in another person’s shoes for a mile. (That’s supposed to be an old American-Indian saying, a take on the Judeo-Christian "golden rule" to treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.)
It helps to understand basic psychology. It’s probably out of print, but the former best-seller I’m Okay, You’re Okay (which is about transactional psychology, but never mind that) lays out a pretty good start for rookies. Once you see a few examples of how your thinking on a matter may not jibe with the other guy’s thinking… you’ll have the seeds of understanding how to delineate what those differences are and how they affect your relationship.
It’s really not that tough, once you get wet.
Basically, the bottom line of understanding human behavior is all about accepting the reality of the situation. Yes, he’s an a-hole, according to your rules. But in his rule book, you’re probably the a-hole. If you insist on not allowing his viewpoint to exist, there will be blood.
In marketing, if you don’t learn to understand how other people see you and your efforts to sell, there will be no sale.
It’s tough to walk in another dude’s shoes even if you like him. Think of your best friend. His taste in clothes is abysmal. He insists on wearing his hair in a stupid style. He watches bad television shows, and eats horrible crap.Yet, somehow you overlook these things and get along.
The challenge, as a marketer, is to suck up your distaste for people who don’t share your worldview… and be a chameleon. That’s the lizard that blends in with any background – except plaid. (When I was a kid, we used to try to make the little critters explode by placing psychedelic prints on the bottom of their cage. Doesn’t work, in case you’re wondering.)
You don’t have to compromise your cherished beliefs or alter your own worldview. (Unless you discover you should.) Just understand that there are more complex personality tweaks in the people around you than there are stars in the sky. And your job, as a marketer, is to understand that the person you’re selling stuff to may need all sorts of weird, twisted info or soothing advice or whatever to make a buying decision.
It’s not hard, once you learn how to walk a mile in other people’s shoes… and then do it, on a regular basis. And you gotta do it even with the a-holes.
I still loathe my neighbor, but I can’t really hate him. He’s infuriating, but the real reason he pisses everyone off… is that he’s just not good at social interaction. He cannot walk three feet in someone else’s shoes, has no clue what that would accomplish anyway, and lives in such a tight little box that he’s just a walking prison of discomfort and existential anguish.
I still wish he’d move, though.
Anyway… Here’s a little task for you: Identify a trait in someone around you… that irks you no end. (Maybe humming off key, or always being late, or telling boring stories.) And spend a few minutes seeing that behavior from the inside.
Become, for a moment, that guy. Walk a mile in his shoes, and rationalize how you feel.
You don’t need to adopt the trait or learn to like it. Just understand it. Get hip to the way the other guy has come to terms with himself.
This is powerful knowledge. This is how top marketers move through the world, with deep personal insight into how other humans get through their day.
[Ed. Note: The principles behind top-notch marketing can be simple - just like John's suggestion that you walk a mile in your customer's shoes. But they are super-powerful.
John Carlton is an expert copywriter, a pioneer in online marketing, and a teacher of killer sales copy - and he knows marketing inside and out. Discover how to get your hands on the kick-ass secrets of the world's smartest, happiest, and wealthiest marketers.
And be sure to read John's insights, tactics, and advice on copywriting and marketing at his blog.]
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A “Dumb” Way to Make Money Online
Listen: If you want to impress your friends and family with how you made a killing online by using all sorts of high tech wizardry and Internet knowledge, that’s fine. But this chance won’t be interesting to you…
On the other hand, if you don’t mind using an almost too-easy system for a chance at large online profits, then this new program is right up your alley. You just follow 3 easy steps and then push a button. Then just picture it as your first profits almost automatically roll in!
And then repeat this process over and over. There’s no limit to how often you can keep pushing a button that can keep fattening your bank account. This is for real and 100% verifiable. To see for yourself, click here…
Whatever Business You’re In…
If we had such a thing, this would surely be one of ETR’s 10 Commandment’s of Start-Up Businesses: Make sure your product will sell before you do anything else!
But when I recently caught a few moments of Tori Spelling’s "Watch me start a new business every week" reality show, it was obvious she doesn’t know this rule.
Tori, you see, wants to create a business that’s all about French fries. She wants to make "chic, gourmet fries" and sell them with a selection of unique dipping sauces.
On the episode I watched, Tori and her husband Dean were looking at mock-ups of fry cones – paper holders with fun decorations on them. Turns out, Tori prefers a red and turquoise design to any of the colors her friend? business partner? fry-cone designer? brought for her to look at.
After the meeting, Tori revealed that they "have yet to buy a single potato."
Talk about putting the cart before the horse. Those fancy fry cones aren’t going to matter a lick until Tori finds out if people will actually buy her fries.
You may be excited about your new business. But as Michael Masterson has said so many times before, don’t go overboard buying business cards, office stationery, a new desk chair, or anything else that’s not necessary to getting the product sold. Instead, spend your time and money on finding out whether people will buy the product. Test it – at a farmer’s market, a street fair, via PPC ads online, or anywhere else you can. Everything else is unimportant.
[Ed. Note: If you need step-by-step advice about what to do - and when to do it - when it comes to starting a business, pick up Michael Masterson's New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and BusinessWeek best-seller Ready, Fire, Aim. It will show you everything you need to do to start a business and grow it to $10 million, $100 million, and beyond.]
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Why You Should Order Pinot With Your Steak
In two of my recent ETR articles, you learned about the health benefits of enjoying organic grass-fed beef and the best methods for preparing it. Now I’ve got more advice on getting the most from your meat.
Enjoy it with a glass of red wine!
Research published in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry found that polyphenols in red wine substantially reduced the formation of two cell-damaging byproducts of fat digestion – malondialdehyde and hydroperoxide.
The researchers say the stomach acts as a "bioreactor," enhancing the beneficial effects of cell-protecting polyphenols. And not only do polyphenols help prevent the formation of harmful compounds, they also prevent their absorption from the gastrointestinal tract into the bloodstream.
So go ahead and enjoy a nice herb-rubbed grass-fed London broil (try the beef from U.S. Wellness Meats) with a glass of your favorite Pinot Noir – the varietal that boasts the most polyphenols.
[Ed. Note: Enjoying steak and wine - not a terrible way to improve your health! It truly is possible to have the healthy life you've always wanted just by making a few simple changes to your diet and lifestyle. Learn how to feel better and live longer right here.
And for delicious, healthy recipes that taste nothing like "health food," check out nutrition expert Kelley Herring's website, HealingGourmet.com.]
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It’s Fun to Know: The Pet Prescription
You love Fido with all your heart. So when he starts getting depressed, it’s natural to wonder whether a drug like Prozac will help him feel better. At least, that’s the way more and more Americans are starting to think.
Marketing research firm Ipsos estimates that Americans spent at least $15 million on behavior-modification drugs for their pets in 2005. Pet psychiatric drugs include Clomicalm (which treats separation anxiety), Anipryl (which improves memory and cognitive function), and Reconcile (a form of doggy Prozac).
(Source: The New York Times)
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The Career Deck Is Stacked Against You…
Bosses paying peanuts while working you to death… jobs shipped overseas… pension funds raided by corrupt management… It can be a cold-hearted world out there.
But there is hope. In fact, there’s a lot more than hope because you can now live life on your own terms, earning six figures while doing something you enjoy.
Word to the Wise: Inimical
"Inimical" (ih-NIM-ih-kul) – from the Latin for "hostile" – means unfriendly, unfavorable, or antagonistic; having the disposition of an enemy.
Example (as used by Gerald Jonas in The New York Times): "Here the planet under scrutiny is Venus – a world even more inimical to human existence than Mars."
[Ed. Note: Become a more persuasive writer and speaker ... build your self-confidence and intellect ... increase your attractiveness to others ... just by spending 10 VERY enjoyable minutes a day with ETR's new Words to the Wise CD Library.]
Copyright ETR, LLC, 2008
you will be very interested with this newspaper that i found it might help you a lot. i hope you’ll enjoy it as i did maybe more because you’re in the field.
Thank you, John Carlton. Great article! It’s so true. In an attempt to keep my sanity, I’ve been trying to step into the shoes of some family members to understand why they act the way they do. It really does help me deal with them. And understanding people does make me a better copywriter.
Great article for the archive. Each new salesperson should have to read this one before attempting his or her first sale.
Years ago I sold high priced equipment to everyday Joes and Janes and had to do so in THEIR atmosphere. I’d always try to arrive at their homes like a dried up sponge so I could absorb as much of their world as I possibly could, (without yacking…in some situations.)
I’d do this, for as long as I felt needed and WELL BEFORE I’d ever attempt to enter into the selling arena.
It worked wonders! Sometimes I’d leave with a signed contract of 10g’s or more taking the taste & smell of the customer along with me and feeling as if I needed a shower and a stiff drink… but it was WELL worth it…chaching!
davidschaible.com
I found this site called http://URAjerk.com maybe you can use it. It seems to help get me through the issues of dealing with some of the jerks I know. At least I can vent about these jerks, plus I get a kick out of sending them some cards.
Who’d have thought that marketing could save the world? But there you have it…
Imagine Israelis and Palestinians walking in eachother’s shoes for a day. Whew! Or…take your pick. Thanks, John. Great exercise!
Fred