How to Handle Your Critics
Archives: Daily Issues
Issue #2581
- WEALTHY: Taking the fun out of marketing (Jason Holland)
- HEALTHY: Prevent falls as you age (Jon Benson)
- WISE: Winston Churchill on criticism
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE:
- 6 steps to making critical comments work for you (Michael Masterson)
- The most disturbing "good news" I’ve heard in years (Suzanne Richardson)
- It’s Good to Know… about flashpacking
- Add "eremite" to your vocabulary
== Highly Recommended ==
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Is Your Marketing Plan All About Fun?
You (and your team) have looked at your products and have developed a plan for getting those products in front of your target market.
Part of that plan might include creative tasks like coming up with innovative copy approaches or design layouts. But don’t let the "fun" stuff take precedence over the plan’s real purpose: profit!
According to Inc., here are some of the nuts and bolts that should be the foundation of every marketing plan.
1. A specific target market for each product. "Men" is too general. "Baby boomer men" is still too general. "Baby boomer men with back problems" might still be too general. "Baby boomer men with a certain type of back problem" is just right.
2. An anticipated return on investment. If you don’t know how much money you need to make from a marketing effort (a print ad, for example) for it to be worth your while… you’re just wasting money.
3. A way to test until you find the best copy and offer. Campaigns are never set in stone. Tweaking and fine-tuning (even wholesale overhauling) is necessary until you find the right mix. This goes hand in hand with the next essential component of a marketing plan…
4. A way to track and monitor all your marketing efforts. Without this feedback, you won’t know what’s working and what isn’t. That’s why Michael Masterson and MaryEllen Tribby almost always recommend direct-response marketing. As they say in their book Changing the Channel:
"Your online [direct-response] marketing efforts can offer you almost immediate feedback. And if you’ve done your testing properly, you can roll out instantly with your winner, while continuing to test different elements that can bring in more bottom-line dollars."
5. A goof-proof system for accepting orders. If a customer tries to buy and your online order form doesn’t work – or the customer service rep who takes incoming calls can’t answer his questions – you’ve just lost a sale. If it happens enough, you’re going to be out of business.
[Ed. Note: A comprehensive marketing plan is only one part of a business's overall growth strategy. You can find dozens of great ideas in Michael Masterson and MaryEllen Tribby's Amazon.com bestseller, Changing the Channel: 12 Easy Ways to Make Millions for Your Business.]
"Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary."
Winston Churchill
Criticism Is the Price of Success – Prepare for It and Profit From It
One of the most surprising and disappointing things about reaching an important goal is that many people won’t share your happiness when they hear about it. Some will even criticize your achievement.
This has happened to me a lot in my success-driven life. The criticism always hurts – but it hurts less now than it did when I was younger. Moreover, I’ve learned to profit from it. You can too.
What’s important, I’ve found, is not the criticism itself but how I react to it. Praise motivates me to do more of what I’m doing. Criticism – which used to make me want to quit – spurs me to examine what I’m doing and see if I can do it better.
This happened just recently after I published an article in my Ready, Fire, Aim newsletter (which goes out to ETR’s VIP customers) about the economy. Two of my most esteemed colleagues read it, didn’t like it, and chastised me for bad writing. That set me aback. I consider myself to be a pretty good writer, but they made me wonder if I was really just a shallow-minded pundit of mediocrity.
After doubting myself for a few days, I set to the task of profiting from their comments. I reread what they said and made notes on those points I thought were valid. I circulated my notes to Jason, Suzanne, and Judith, my editors. That began an ongoing discussion about how we could improve Ready, Fire, Aim. And we came up with a few good ideas.
I then wrote to my two friends who were nice enough to honestly critique my article. I thanked them for helping me make the newsletter better. And I meant it.
In What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful, Marshall Goldsmith talks about how important feedback is to success:
"Feedback is very useful for telling us ‘where we are.’ Without feedback… we couldn’t have results. We couldn’t keep score. We wouldn’t know if we were getting better or worse. Just as salespeople need feedback on what’s selling and leaders need feedback on how they are perceived by their subordinates, we all need feedback to see where we are, where we need to go, and to measure our progress."
Goldsmith acknowledges that negative feedback "can be employed by others to reinforce our feelings of failure, or at least remind us of them – and our reaction is rarely positive." Worst of all, negative feedback can sometimes shut us down. "We close ranks, turn into our shell, and shut the world out."
When Goldsmith was a child, his mother told him he had no mechanical skills. He went through high school believing that, and, when he was 18, scored at the bottom of the entire nation in a test given by the U.S. Army.
A few years later, a professor persuaded him to take another look at his mechanical abilities. That’s when he realized his mother was wrong, and he was "just living out the expectations [he] had chosen to believe."
So that might be the first thing to say about profiting from criticism. Recognize that a negative comment about you or your abilities cannot damage you unless you let it.
Goldsmith says that he wasted years, convinced that he was mechanically inept. But he didn’t blame his mother. He blamed himself. "I was the one who kept telling myself, ‘You can’t do this!’ I realized that as long as I kept saying that, it was going to be true."
Here are some useful techniques for profiting from criticism.
1. Remember that criticism is the price of success.
As writer Elbert Hubbard said, "Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." So if you do something, you’re going to be subject to criticism. President Obama gets criticized. Clint Eastwood gets criticized. Even Mother Theresa was criticized. The more success you have, the more criticism you will engender. Some of it will be helpful. Most of it will be useless. But don’t be afraid of it. It won’t kill you. It will only make you stronger.
2. Dump your failure-support group.
This group includes jealous friends, professional enemies, and habitual critics. These people get their kicks from kicking you when you are up. They want you to be down where they are. Don’t go there. Just ignore them.
3. If you can’t ignore your critics, frame your responses strategically.
Sometimes, you won’t be able to ignore your critics – if, for example the criticism is coming from your boss or your family. That’s when you need to stay calm and respond strategically.
In Self-Esteem, Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning recommend a technique they call "clouding." "Clouding involves a token agreement with a critic. It is used when criticism is neither constructive nor accurate. When you use clouding to deal with criticism, you are saying to the critic, ‘Yes, some of what is on your screen is on my screen.’ But to yourself you add, ‘And some isn’t.’ You ‘cloud’ by agreeing in part, probability, or principle."
Agreeing in part – finding one part of your critic’s comments to agree with or acknowledge.
The Criticism: You’re not reliable. You forget to pick up the kids, you let the bills pile up until we could lose the roof over our heads, and I can’t ever count on you to be there when I need you.
Your Response: You’re certainly right that I did forget to pick up the kids last week after their swimming lesson.
Agreeing in probability – acknowledging that there’s a possibility your critic could be right. The chances may be a million to one against it, but you can truthfully say, "It’s possible you’re right."
The Criticism: Starting a business now is a terrible idea. The economy is in the crapper, and you’re just wasting time and money.
Your Response: Yes, it’s possible that my business won’t work out.
Agreeing in principle – acknowledging the logic of your critic’s argument, but not necessarily agreeing with his assumptions. This clouding technique uses the conditional "if/then" format.
The Criticism: You’re really taking a chance by claiming all these deductions you don’t have receipts for. The IRS is cracking down. You’re just asking for an audit. It’s stupid to try to save a few bucks and bring them down on you like a pack of bloodhounds.
Your Response: You’re right. If I take the deductions, I’ll be attracting more attention to myself. And if I get audited, it will be a real hassle.
4. Take helpful criticism seriously.
Helpful criticism is sometimes harsh but it’s always well intended. It’s not hard to identify it. The hard thing is to accept that it is helpful and use it to improve yourself.
In Succeed for Yourself: Unlock Your Potential for Success and Happiness, Richard Denny says, "Constructive criticism is not negative, so be enthusiastic about it. Remember, you are very fortunate if you receive it. Encourage others to offer constructive criticism."
5. Thank your critics.
I make it a habit to send a personal "thank you" to anyone whose criticism has helped me do better work.
6. Solicit criticism – from people you respect – while there is plenty of time to make changes.
One of the most successful publishers I know does this regularly. When considering the launch of a new product, he sends a memo to a small group of more experienced publishers explaining his concept and asking them to poke holes in it.
By getting their criticism early, he doesn’t feel its sting. After all, it’s not his baby that is being criticized. It’s just an idea. And ideas, as we all know, are not worth anything until they are put into action.
Another benefit – and this is a big one – is that it saves him time and frustration. By getting input on an idea before he’s done a lot of work on it, it is much easier for him to make changes.
[Ed. Note: As Michael Masterson says, criticism is the price of success. But don't let a few critics stand in your way. Today, you have a chance to develop a billionaire mindset that can help your income soar. Discover the secret to attracting wealth like a "money magnet" right here.
As a special thank you to our best customers, Michael has started a new VIP service in which he gives insider business-building advice usually reserved for his private clients - a twice-weekly newsletter called Ready Fire Aim: The Michael Masterson Dispatch. If you have bought an ETR product or attended a conference and are not receiving Ready Fire Aim, please let us know by sending an e-mail to Michael@ETRfeedback.com.]
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Living Rich: A Free Way to Improve Your Mind, Your Life, and Even Your Career
As Groucho Marx said, "Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read." It would appear that more Americans than ever agree with Marx, according to The New York Times, which recently revealed the results of a report from the National Endowment for the Arts.
The report, titled "Reading on the Rise: A New Chapter in American Literacy," bases its "good news" on the fact that, for the first time since 1982, there’s been an increase in the number of adults claiming to have read at least one novel, play, or poem over the past 12 months.
"At least one" novel, play, or poem? That’s all it takes?
Listen – if someone is only reading one of anything in a year, she’s in trouble. And so is her future.
Reading is one of the best – and least expensive – ways to "live rich." It can also make you smarter… help you improve your life… make you a more interesting conversationalist… help get you a better job… keep you in tune with your industry… or help you begin a new career.
Reading ETR each morning is a good start. We strive each day to give you at least one useful piece of advice that you can apply to your life.
But don’t stop there.
- If you’re an Internet marketer, read books on Internet marketing. Read Gladwell and Godin and Masterson and Tribby.
- Sign up for e-newsletters by the best in your field. (For example, John Forde, Clayton Makepeace, Alex Mandossian, Yanik Silver, Rich Schefren, and Bob Bly all have e-newsletters or blogs that can help you get ahead.)
- Read The New York Times. Read The Wall Street Journal. Read Scientific American. You don’t even have to buy them. Go to the library or read them online.
Read what interests you, and read what’s popular. Fiction and non-fiction. Poetry and plays. Blogs and e-newsletters. Magazines and newspapers.
But whatever you do, read something.
[Ed. Note: Let us know - right here - the top 2 books you think EVERYONE should read. One must be fiction, the other must be non-fiction.]
The Balance Test
By Jon Benson
One of the tests for "true age" – the biological age of your body rather than your chronological age – is balance. You can test your balance simply by standing on one foot with your eyes closed. (Just be sure you have someone there to catch you in case you start to fall.)
If you can stand on one foot for more than 10 seconds, with the other foot raised about a foot off the floor and your eyes closed, you have excellent balance. Most people cannot do this at first. But with practice, I now have to time my one-foot balance with a clock rather than a stopwatch… and that is a sign of being biologically younger than my years.
According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), "Falls are the leading cause of fatal and nonfatal injuries for persons aged more than 65 years." Most falls occur due to a lack of balance, which declines as we age. Fortunately, resistance training and a bit of practice will help you keep your balance decades longer.
[Ed. Note: Jon Benson is a life coach and nutrition counselor who specializes in helping individuals discover a life-altering mind/body connection. His work in the field of post-40 fitness and mental empowerment has helped countless thousands rediscover a youthful body and positive outlook. Discover how you can do the same by clicking here.
For a free source of expert advice about how to add years to your life and life to your years, sign up for ETR's natural health e-newsletter.]
It’s Good to Know: About Flashpacking
Grungy backpackers can be found from Barcelona to Brisbane, surviving on cheap food and searching out the cheapest possible accommodations. But recently, a new band of travelers has put a twist on this practice.
So-called "flashpackers" still seek out low-cost travel (usually by train), but they don’t settle for a hostel bunk bed in a crowded "dorm-style" room. They’re going for private rooms with amenities like flat-screen TVs – without breaking the bank. Flashpacking hotspots like Berlin and Peru feature clean single rooms for around $50. (They don’t, of course, offer the services you’d expect in a standard hotel.)
(Source: Travel and Leisure)
== Highly Recommended ==
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Word to the Wise: Eremite
An "eremite" (ER-uh-mite) – from the Greek for "living in the desert" – is a hermit, especially a religious recluse.
Example (as used by Cynthia Ozick in The New York Times): "He is in the private cave of his freedom, an eremite, a solitary; he orders his mind as he pleases."
[Ed. Note: Become a more persuasive writer and speaker ... build your self-confidence and intellect ... increase your attractiveness to others ... just by spending 10 VERY enjoyable minutes a day with ETR's new Words to the Wise CD Library.]
Copyright ETR, LLC, 2009
Fiction – “Lord of the Rings” by J.R.R. Tolkien – epic, and only the tip of the iceberg of Tolkien’s world.
Non-fiction – “The 100″ by Michael H. Hart – threatise on the author’s opinion of who the 100 most influential people in the history of mankind were. It thus becomes a condensed history of civilization.
-Ed Estlow
Fiction : The Mad King by Edgar Rice Burroughs
Non-fiction: Will by G. Gordon Liddy
1. (Non-Fiction) The Handbook to Higher Consciousness by Ken Keyes, Jr.
2. (Fiction) Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
3. (Unclassified) Illusions by Richard Bach
4. (Coming soon) Fun With Metaphysics – The Way It Is (Unless It’s Something Else) by Gregg Sanderson
1) That Something by Paul J Meyer – a very short inspirational classic distributed by Executive Books.
2) Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy – an incredible yet digestible volume of time management principles.
Two books I would highly recommend would be: Moneyball by Michael Lewis for non-fiction an ANYTHING by Tom Clancy! I loved his detail and points of view…wish he needed to write more!
Fiction: The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
Nonfiction: Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Fiction: One Hundred Years of Solitude from Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Non-fiction: Any cookbook you have lying around, and if you don’t have cookbooks, get some immediately
The Fountainhead – Ayn Rand (Fiction)
Education of a Wandering Man – Louis L’Amour
(Non-Fiction)
non-fiction:
Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda
fiction:
Illusions by Richard Bach
Fiction: Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
One of my favorite books. The author manages to capture a universal moment of a teenager and his view of life. I can identify with moments in my life when I read this book and the humor in it is very entertaining.
Non-Fiction: Dianetics: the modern science of mental health by L. Ron Hubbard.
This is the actual manual on the human mind. Every one carries a mind, it’s portable and most people don’t have a clue as to how it works. That’s like carrying a laptop and not know how to use it. Get the latest edition. I highly recommend this book. You will never see the world the same again.
Mr. Masterson, my “failure support group” are none other than my parents. My brother is stepping up to the plate, but I’ve got him under control (sorta.) When I told them, at 28, that I was going to attend Tulane, they hit the roof–and they didn’t pay for it, either. I finished my BA at 34. If I’d told them I planned to be a freelance copywriter working with AWAI, the yelling would be heard here in Houston. So. . .I live in Houston, they live in New Orleans, home of the biggest pot of negativity ever to bubble up. It’s what I had to do.
Fiction: A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy O’Toole
NonFiction: Cookbooks by Martha Stewart, Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa) Nigella Lawson, Giada de Laurentiis and of course, Rachael Ray.
Don’t argue, just do it!
Thanks to everyone who responded! Here are my own highly recommended books:
* Non fiction: “Ogilvy on Advertising” by David Ogilvy. Useful for anyone involved in business, whether you’re the CEO, a marketer, or a junior employee.
Same goes for “Changing the Channel” by MaryEllen Tribby and Michael Masterson – it’s packed with marketing advice that any level employee can use to get ahead at work. The secrets they reveal can even help you get a job – by marketing yourself using their recommendations, or just by showing a potential employer that you know how to increase his sales.
* Fiction: “Everything Is Illuminated” by Jonathan Safran Foer. I wrote about this book before (http://www.earlytorise.com/2008/07/24/living-rich-contemporary-classics.html) but I just can’t speak highly enough of it.
@ Jason – I love the Count of Monte Cristo. Couldn’t put it down!
The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein. Consequences of failed economic policies of the past 40 years.
Anything by Charles Dickens.
Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
Losing my Virginity by Richard Branson
Both excellent books!
Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss — really a book about the power of persistence
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson — a story about a man who is really doing something to change the world
Fiction: Atlas Shrugged. More than 50 years ago Ayn Rand accurately predicted our current state of affairs.
Nonfiction: A Pattern Language. In 1977 Christopher Alexander provided complete details on how to design everything (rooms, houses, buildings, neighborhoods, cities) for maximum human satisfaction.
Hello? To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee is without a doubt the best of the best. Moving, powerful, and revealing of so many truths on so many levels. Also just an extraordinarily good read. And non-fiction? Holograpic Universe-Michael Talbot would rate way up there- Because it was the beginning of what we are now all understanding about quantum physics and what it really means in practical applications.
Greate tips for handling Criticism
Good thoughts
Non fiction: either of the “Good Enough” books by Brad E. Sachs, PhD. These are about how you don’t have to be a ‘perfect” parent, child, or teen but by paying attention to what drives you, you can be open to the healthy growing individuation of your child(ren).
fiction: “The Secret Life of Bees”–pays attention to being a good person, not much else needed to succeed. Of course it depends upon how you define success.
Non fiction:
Revolutionary Wealth by Alvin and Heidi Toffler
&
Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
Fiction:
Outbreak by Robin Cook
Non-fiction: Bonds that Make Us Free: Healing our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves by C. Terry Warner is the most insightful, inspiring book on human interactions. Your self-deceptions will be revealed with startling clarity.
Fiction: Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien is worth reading again and again.
A New Earth by Eckhardt Tolle
Read it at least 5 times
I read Dianetics about 50 years ago. To my knowledge there’s still nothing like it and as he says, it’s like having a hand-book for your mind.
(“When all else fails, read the bloody instructions…”) That was one of the books that helped make me very rich. Highly recommended.
hello,you have presented a stimulating, useful and supporting message.You dont believe that how your message has healed me.I have variety of obstacles in my path. Many critics too.so i felt frustrated.
After reading your message i have changed now.Nothing can hinder me from reaching my goal.hence i thank you for your article as it is providing practical solution in my life.
Fiction: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand – I finished it and started again at the beginning, and bought it for several people for Christmas. What prescience (it’s beginning to look like non-fiction).
Non-fiction: Influence by Robert Cialdini – shows you how to influence others and how to avoid being influenced, too. A must for anyone in the persuading business.
Fiction: The greatest miracle in the world by Og Mandino.
Non-fiction: The four agreements by Miguel Ruiz.
Non-fiction: Guerilla Marketing by Jay Conrad Levinson
Even with the advances of the internet it still teaches good basic principles.
Fiction: The Foundation Series by Isaac Asimov
Just because it’s one hell of a great story (Read “Prelude to Foundation” last. It’s the way it was meant to work.)
In regards to living rich, I would say that everyone should read “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand and also “Unlimited Wealth” by Paul Zane Pilzer.