Message #443
Friday, September 28, 2001
"You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you are not planning to come back down."
Dan Stone
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S MESSAGE:
There are pluses and minuses to the "me-first, win-lose" philosophy of business. But in my opinion, intimidation is a short-term tactic that ultimately fails you.
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DO YOU NEED A STRONG PERSONALITY TO BE SUCCESSFUL AT BUSINESS?
If you read the wrong career advice, you might conclude that being successful in business is about being tough and aggressive, attacking the competition, and taking care of No.1.
That's one way you can do it, but it's not necessary -- and it has one significant drawback.
A colleague of mine fits that profile. Macho and assertive, he built a business empire when most of his market was falling apart. He's self-taught and not ashamed to let it show. In fact, he passes up no opportunity to rub his rough edges against his more refined and privileged business colleagues.
He is boyishly charming when he wants to be, confident to cocky when it suits his purpose. I find myself liking him despite misgivings -- when, for example, he publicly belittles an underling, or is near-rude to a colleague.
He does seem to get some ego gratification from such he-man tactics, but I don't think he engages in them for the pleasure. My feeling is that he treats people the way he does because it gives him the feeling that he is in more in charge of them when he bullies them.
"If you deal with me," he lets you know, "you have to make certain psychological concessions -- and those will be to my advantage."
I don't know him well enough to say whether all this aggressiveness has made him a less-than-happy guy (though he seems happy), but I can tell you that he misses business opportunities that he could have otherwise.
Just yesterday, he was complaining about the failure of some business deal I had got him involved in. A very sensible joint venture had gradually gone by the wayside. "There was no reason for it," he told me. "Everything was working. Someone dropped the ball."
In fact, his very own people had dropped the ball. But neither they nor the business people I hooked him up with had the desire to tell him so. Rather than drum up the energy to deal with his response to the troubles, both sides of the venture had quietly decided to let it dissipate.
The "me-first, win-lose" philosophy of business has its pluses and minuses. On the positive side, you can quickly become an expert in domination and can push people into doing things they otherwise won't do. On the downside, you create a lot of fear and/or ill will that can one day work against you.
I've said this before, but it bears repeating here: Intimidation is a short-term tactic that ultimately fails you. People who "yes" you into victory today will slowly but surely "no" you into submission later on. Blessed are the meek in business, for they will inherit the easiest retirements.
Rather than beat up your employees and/or business partners, value them. Smile when you see them. Root for their success. Say how much you admire their strengths and go easy on your criticisms. Gradually, they will come to like and trust you. And on the basis of those good feelings, you will be able to achieve great things.
Remember: Humiliation is visible, but resentment is not. Your visible victories count, but your invisible defeats count more in the long run.
If you'd prefer a Jiu Jitsu analogy: Muscling your opponent works only when he is unworthy and willing to be defeated. When you take on an equal in skills and intelligence, your power moves will work against you.
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MORE THOUGHTS ON "YES-ING" AND "NO-ING" YOUR WAY TO THE TOP OF ANY ORGANIZATION
Sam Walton said that he always favored the mavericks who challenged his rules. "In the end," he said, "I listened to them a lot more closely than I did the pack who always agreed with everything I said."
Don't make the mistake of thinking that you'll do better in your career by being a "no" man. You won't. Not with me. Not with your boss. And not with Sam Walton, either.
If you want to get to the top, be a "yes" man when it comes to taking on challenges and responsibilities -- even if they seem beyond your immediate reach. Be a "no" man only when you are asked to do something immoral.
When confronted with ideas you don't agree with, be a "yes and" man. As in, "Yes, boss. That's a very powerful idea. And I can see how doing something that seems like its opposite could work even better. Let me explain."
What a good boss wants -- and this includes Sam Walton -- is a get-it-done person for all good ideas and a get-it-done-better person for all the bad ones. Be both. Be respectful. Be successful.
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IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE FORGIVEN
If you're feeling guilty about pushing people around, cheating on your spouse, or neglecting your children, here's good news: It's never too late to be forgiven.
You may not get your victim to forgive you -- especially if you have been abusing him for years and years -- but you can get someone else to.
That someone else is God (if you believe in God) or yourself if you happen to be an agnostic with a conscience.
It's an astonishing thing, really. No matter how serious your offense, you can relieve yourself of its psychological burden with a simple act of will (or prayer).
A guilty conscience exists within, public recrimination without. It doesn't matter what people say or think about you and your past; the moment your forgive yourself, you'll be free to move on.
I'm not necessarily recommending self-forgiveness. Just pointing out that it's within your reach.
And here's something else to ponder: If it's never too late to forgive yourself, it's also never too late to revise yourself.
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LIVING RICH: FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT
Bringing Your Own Bottle
In California and some other states, it's legal (and in some cases routine) to bring your own bottle of wine into a restaurant that sells wine -- though most people think this is possible only if the restaurant doesn't have a liquor license.
In such cases, the restaurant will have the right to charge you a "corkage fee" -- a price to uncork and pour the bottle you've brought in. Usually, the corkage fee is reasonable: $5 or $10. Sometimes, it's absurd: Wine Spectator expert James Laube says he's sometimes been asked to pay $25 or $30 for the privilege of drinking a vino he's already paid for.
Can someone out there tell us what states allow this practice? Any stories or advice on this? Let us know on ETR's Speak Out discussion board (www.earlytorise.com).
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The Latin phrase "quid pro quo" (kwid-proh-KWOH) literally means "something for something." We use it the same way we use "tit for tat" or "one hand washes the other": to mean an equal exchange of some sort.
MMF
Copyright Early to Rise, 2001
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