What Is Christmas REALLY About?
- WEALTHY: Rick’s favorite investment books
- HEALTHY: Think outside the cranberry sauce can (Dr. Al Sears)
- WISE: Edmund Burke on generosity
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE:
- Our last-workday-before-Christmas schedule (Michael Masterson)
- ETR readers on Michael’s "kick-in-the-pants" therapy
- Add "deign" to your vocabulary
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Looking for a Last-Minute Christmas Gift?
By Rick Pendergraft
If you’re looking for a gift for an avid investor (maybe for yourself?), I might be able to help. Here are some of my favorite investment/trading books:
Market Wizards by Jack Schwager and Reminiscences of a Stock Operator by Edwin Lefevre Both of these books are not only must-reads, they are also must-owns … because you want to go back and read them again and again. I sure have - and I learn something new every time.
Pit Bull by Martin Schwartz and Trader Vic- Methods of a Wall Street Master by Victor Sperandeo. Both of these men are legends on Wall Street, and neither of these autobiographies is overly complicated with market jargon.
If your trader friend is into technical analysis, try Technical Analysis of Stock Trends by Robert Edwards and John Magee. This is often referred to as "the Bible of technical analysis."
And Technical Analysis From A to Z by Steven Achelis is the perfect reference tool for any trader.
All of these books have helped me become a better trader and a better investor, and they’d make any investment junkie giddy as a child on Christmas morning.
[Ed. Note: Find out how Rick Pendergraft can help you make money - no matter what the market’s doing - as the editor of ETR’s new investment service, the ETF Options Trader.]
"It is our business carefully to cultivate in our minds, to rear to the most perfect vigor and maturity, every sort of generous and honest feeling that belongs to our nature."
Edmund Burke
What Is Christmas REALLY About?
By Michael Masterson
One of Howard Stern’s people interrupted his show recently to chastise him for his decision not to send every one of the Stern-related company employees a gift.
"I don’t even want a gift," she said. "But the fact that you aren’t going to give me one tells me a lot about what kind of a thoughtless person you are."
"But aren’t you Jewish?" Stern asked.
"That makes no difference, and you know it!"
This, of course, supports my theory that Jewish people need Christmas, too - despite the fact that my Jewish friends insist they are more than happy to do without the stress associated with this holiday. But it also shows how horrible Christmas can be if you think of it as a time when other people are supposed to give you things and make you happy.
Whenever someone tells me that they don’t like Christmas because it depresses them, I want to ask - but don’t - "What makes you think Christmas is a time to spend thinking or worrying about yourself?"
It seems to me that Christmas is not about trying to please everyone. And it’s certainly not about getting. It’s a season for gratitude and generosity.
At Thanksgiving, I thought a lot about gratitude and the many ways being thankful can deepen and enrich your life. Keeping this thought with you throughout the Christmas season is essential if you want to avoid stress and depression and enjoy it the way it can be enjoyed.
Although I certainly think it’s possible to enjoy yourself without getting involved in all the hullabaloo of Christmas, I wouldn’t want to. For me, Christmas really is the season to be jolly. And when I’m jolly, I want all my friends - Christian or not - to be jolly too.
Being jolly at Christmas is one result of practicing the thankfulness you practiced at Thanksgiving. But instead of being merely grateful this Christmas, try adding to it a healthy dose of generosity (a virtue that is at the core of almost every ritual, myth, story, and tradition surrounding Christmas).
Like all virtues, generosity is good for the practitioner. Master the virtue of giving and your life will be doubly blessed. First, you will be recompensed, with interest, for each and every thing you give. Second, your capacity to love life will increase a little each and every time you practice giving.
Generosity is also a skill - and, like all skills, it can be learned and mastered. To master the skill of generosity, you must make it a part of your daily life. You must spend a few minutes every day thinking about how you can give more kindness … time … wealth … and knowledge.
Never be afraid to give. But never give if the purpose of your giving is to derive some sort of benefit. Give freely, but not more than you can afford and not more than the recipient of your generosity can take.
If you give wisely, your generosity will never impoverish you. If you give carefully, your generosity will not do harm. If you give kindly, your generosity will not be resented. If you give regularly throughout your life, you will leave the world a better place than it is now.
Besides practicing thankfulness and generosity toward others, be generous toward yourself.
It’s three days before Christmas, and I’m betting you’re working today. Instead of cramming lots of work into the next eight to 10 hours, give yourself a nice Christmas gift and follow this last-workday-before-Christmas schedule:
7:30 to 9:00: Do something important-but-not urgent, something that will make you a better, happier person.
9:00 to 10:00: Sort through your inbox. Organize everything to be ready for you when you return to the office next week.
10:00 to 10:30: Make phone calls and send e-mails to colleagues and friends wishing them "Happy Holidays."
10:30 to 11:00: Write down the specific fun things you are going to be doing over the long weekend.
12:00 to 12:30: Clean up your desk. Look busy.
12: 30 to 1:30: Go out to lunch with friends or workmates. Have a cocktail.
2:30: Go home early.
That’s what I’m going to do … and it’s pretty much the same thing I did last year.
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A Berry Good Addition to Your Year-Round Diet
By Al Sears, MD
You probably think of cranberries as "just for the holidays" - but you may want to consider eating them all year round. Preliminary results from a new study funded by the National Institutes of Health indicate that cranberries can prevent and slow the growth of tumors, stop breast cancer cells from multiplying - even prevent dental plaque from forming on your teeth.
Cranberries are packed full of antioxidants that protect your cells from age-related damage. Earlier studies showed that cranberries can even improve your cholesterol. For example, one from Canada found that cranberries raise your HDL cholesterol. This "good" cholesterol prevents plaque from building up in your arteries.
It’s easy to add cranberries to your diet. Cranberry jellies and jams. Cranberry pies. Cranberry juice. Even bits of dried cranberries in salad. And try mixing dried cranberries - along with other dried fruits, like raisins - with high-protein walnuts, almonds, or Brazil nuts.
Cranberries freeze well, so they’re easy to keep around. And it’s a great way to add something sweet to a meal without increasing its glycemic index score. In fact, fresh or dried cranberries in your cereal will actually lower its glycemic index.
[Ed. Note: Dr. Sears, a practicing physician and the author of The Doctor’s Heart Cure and 12 Secrets to Virility, is a leading authority on longevity, physical fitness, and heart health.]
Feedback Friday: In Response to "Empathy and Other Bad Ideas"
In Message #1883:, Michael Masterson explained his "kick-in-the-pants" brand of therapy. Here are some of things ETR readers had to say about it …
"This article is powerful and I totally support its emphasis. The most simple yet profound statement I have heard in this arena is by Hendrie Weisinger from his book Emotional Intelligence at Work.] He states: ‘It is the meaning we assign to the people and events we encounter that affect us for good or ill, not the events themselves.’
"The individual’s ability to respond rather than react is the ultimate life skill. One is victim to circumstances, the other is victor and a true director of his life. Every man needs this life skill, not just the depressed. We live in a society that is all about blaming others and external events.
"The only bone I wish to pick with you is that you have not drawn the distinction between empathy and sympathy.
"Empathy is more than sympathy in a tuxedo. Sympathy is getting into bed with the victim and joining the pity party - totally useless and moreover damaging. Empathy, however, sets the stage for relating where powerful communication and life skills can be transfused. It creates an open environment avoiding self-judgment, which is yet another place the disabled find to hide from their responsibility. If you truly want to be a catalyst for change, I say set the environment with relating, and then advocate their ability to evoke their own Greatness.
"ETR is one of only a few publications I review at least weekly and often daily. A great service and value."
John Felitto
Pearl River, NY
"There is a great deal of difference between ’sympathy’ and ‘empathy.’ As a psychotherapist, I would be doing a lousy job if all I did was show ‘pity’ for a person’s circumstances. The example you gave describes a type of counselor who believes in simply reflecting back to the person how they feel. That approach is rarely useful in cases like the one you describe.
"Most of us who are effective counselors believe in motivating and supporting our clients to grow and change, using much more directive approaches, like Cognitive Therapy. Another approach that is very effective in the ‘kick your butt’ category is Byron Katie’s. She challenges people to question their deeply held beliefs and makes them see how false beliefs keep them from having happy, productive lives.
"Byron Katie shows no sympathy whatsoever for people’s neurotic ’stories.’ She is very blunt and very tough, but she does show profound ‘empathy.’ In other words, she holds your hand while she kicks you in the butt!
"That’s the way I counsel people. I let them know in no uncertain terms that I am on their side (Empathy). Then, I point out to them that their negative stories and beliefs are NOT WHO THEY ARE, and I support them to challenge and transcend those old false ideas. (Often by kicking them in the butt!)
"Another amazing tool I use is energy psychology, specifically Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). By teaching people to tap on acupressure points on their own bodies, I teach them how to HELP THEMSELVES very quickly and effectively, without drugs or years of therapy. The idea is that we are all made up of energy, and sometimes our energy gets disrupted. If we simply use acupressure to re-align our energy, the emotional attachments simply fall away.
"Michael, you are a mentor and a coach, and although I do both coaching and counseling, there is an important difference. I believe that coaching is totally focused on GOALS and RESULTS, while counseling puts the initial focus on the individual. Some people need empathy and guidance before they are ready to dive into a goal-oriented life. I agree with you that it shouldn’t have to take years.
"I appreciate your Early to Rise newsletter, and I look forward to reading it every day."
Dr. Kiya L. Immergluck
Chicago, IL
"Oh, empathy isn’t all that bad; it’s just lack of common sense, or balance, that screws it up. To identify with somebody gives us a soft heart toward them. That’s a good thing. But if we then take responsibility for their lives, our empathy hasn’t benefited anyone.
"Case in point: I was very successful in earlier days, then went into a long dry spell. And it wasn’t until I got back to work that I started to seize opportunity again. My son has also been very successful in other areas, and recently made a change. He’s having a terrible time. Feels lost, useless, scared, etc … all things he hasn’t felt before. I empathize. My empathy makes me a good listener who tells him it’ll be fine in time as long as HE keeps working at it.
"Lack of empathy might leave me saying "Tough luck, loser" - but having spent a period of life losing myself, I’m empathetic … and that makes me an encourager."
Dale Howard
Westminster, MD
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Word to the Wise: Deign
To "deign" (DANE) is to think worthy of.
Example (as used by Jay McInerney in Model Behavior): "Not until I pour vodka on his shirt does he deign to acknowledge my existence."
Michael Masterson
Copyright ETR, LLC, 2006